Things That I Found In My Girlfriend’s Childhood Bedroom

A short list of some things that I found while rummaging through my 23-year-old girlfriend’s childhood things (under the guise that I was looking for a pen) that were indicative of how big of a homo she’d grow up to be.

1. A clip-on tie similar to the one that hung loosely around Avril Lavigne’s neck in the video for “Complicated.”

ID: 1402967

2. A copy of the movie “Thirteen.”

ID: 1402971

3. A Tech Deck skateboard, along with tiny tools that were used to change the wheels after they became worn out from hours of extreme fingerboarding.

ID: 1402972

4. “The Joys of Lesbian Sex” which was checked out from the public library and never returned.

ID: 1402975

5. “Coming Out to Parents” which was checked out from the public library and never returned.

ID: 1402979

6. A poster of Pink.

ID: 1402981

7. Printed out lyrics to Three Days Grace’s “I Hate Everything About You” which she secretly dedicated to her mom.

ID: 1402985

8. Anonymous love letters that took five hours to write because she had meticulously altered her handwriting; last-minute paranoia kept her from hiding them in her classmates’ lockers.

ID: 1402994

9. A copy of “The Spirit Room” that her suspicious mother had purposely scratched with a key after mistaking Michelle Branch for a lesbian.

ID: 1402998

10. A single flannel shirt by Roxy.

ID: 1403003

11. Chicago Bulls merch.

ID: 1403004

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