1. Novelty Toilet Paper.
You can get your hands on a variety of different prints.
2. Any clothing that resembles this.
Online sales are coming soon, thank goodness.
3. Your face molded in chocolate.
FabCafe in Tokyo, Japan offers these custom chocolates using a 2D to 3D scanner.
5. Elephant poop flowers.
Elephant dung can be processed into some lovely eco-friendly paper. Get some here!
7. Naming a cockroach at the Bronx Zoo.
The website states, “Flowers wilt. Candlelight fades. Roaches are forever.”
This limited time offer is sadly expired.
9. This cryptic balloon.
10. Unique plants.
For the low maintenance love in your life. Heart decorations not included.
14. Edible undergarments.
Here are directions for the DIY project.
16. This fake dog poop is uber romantic.
Order now from Etsy for that animal lover in your life.
17. Reproductive plush toys.
Why is this under the Valentine’s Day gift section? An educational gift perhaps.
18. Heart shaped meat products.
You can get them pre-seasoned.
19. A Hug-E-Gram.
Plus, you can record a personalized message.
20. This card for the seriously comfortable couple.
Available on Etsy.
22. Underwear built for two.
Save money on laundry and get your pair here.
23. A chocolate covered scale.
Even with the funny phrases replacing numbers, it’s still a scale.
25. Surprise car decorations.
“I’m loved and being humiliated because of it.”
28. …or this diamond ring keychain.
She isn’t laughing. This isn’t funny.
30. Bacon flowers.
Wait…this actually would be fantastic. Go ahead and make some now.