"Santa, You Arn’t My Type," A 9-Year-Old’s Anti-Love Song

Apparently my younger self thought Santa liked me “like that,” so I decided to let him down not-so-easy via song.

Santa, you take my feet off the ground
You turn my frown upsidedown
You make me twirl around and around
But Santa, you arn’t my type
NO not my type

As a matter of fact,
you are way too fat
Last year when I asked for a remote control corvet,
all I got was a paper jet.

So Santa now you can see
your looks just don’t impress me

Here’s another thought that’s a dread:
I dispise the color red.

Here’s another thing, so listen here!
I’m allergic to reindeer

When I leave cookies on the fireplace,
you just stuff them in your face…

Santa, you take my feet off the ground
You turn my frown upsidedown
You make me twirl around and around
But Santa, you arn’t my type
NO not my type