21 Things Waiters Dread

Throw an extra buck or two in next time you tip. They earned it.

1. “Hi, can we get a table for nine? Two adults, seven kids.”

2. “No, you’re not breaking up, the WAITER just keeps interrupting me.”

3. “Hey, don’t I know you?”

Yeah, I’m the guy who just asked you what entree you want. Stop taking a picture and read the menu.

From Reddit: “At a sushi restaurant in Santa Monica, ‘The Sherminator’ was my waiter!”

4. “What is this ‘tipping’? We don’t have it in my country.”

Regardless of whether it should or shouldn’t be, gratuity’s not included in the bill here, buddy. Fifteen percent.

5. “Yes, I’ll have the cheeseburger, but can you replace the patty with four mozzarella sticks?”

6. “Can you make it quick?”

7. “It has been TEN MINUTES! Where’s my well-done steak?!”

Shutterstock

Buddy, you can have it quick or you can have it well-done. Take your pick.

8. “Yeah, I’ll have — hurr hurr guys shut up, I’m gonna do it — I’ll have a water, with seven lemon wedges.”

9. “I said MEDIUM-RARE, not bleeding! I want to speak to the chef.”

Mike / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: anotherpintplease

Of course, ma’am, I’ll bring out the chef and you can teach him what his 19 years of professional culinary experience haven’t.

10. “My steak was overcooked, and I refuse to pay for it. It took me the whole steak to realize it.”

Todd Jordan / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: tojosan

11. “No dessert, but another round of waters, please. We’ll be here a while.”

Motohiro H / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: mloge

Sure, no problem. I’ll just be over here watching that family of paying customers get seated in someone else’s section.

12. “But I didn’t order those sliders, I just assumed they were on the house. They were delicious, though, thank you!”

William Jones / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: fritish

13. “OMG, I need to Instagram this!”

14. “$21.32 on the VISA, $25.64 on the Amex, $17 out of this twenty, $8.23 out of this twenty, and can you make change for a fifty?”

Moacir P. de Sá Pereira / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: moacir

15. “I didn’t tip you because of my political views.”

16. “I tipped you something BETTER than money!”

17. “I didn’t tip you because I just don’t tip.”

18. “I didn’t tip you because of my religious beliefs.”

“I give God 10%, why do you get 18?”

19. “Our customer was an unreasonable jerk, so you’re fired.”

We’re looking at you, Applebee’s.

20. “The customer is always right!”

21. “No, no, no…that’s for you.”

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