Which Cult Leader Should You Follow?

I know, I know: So many cults to choose from, so little time to decide. Making up your mind which one to slavishly devote yourself to can take time and research that, sadly, many of us just don't have. That's why BuzzFeed (TM) has put together this handy quiz. Just answer a few simple questions, and your path to a life of truth/brainwashing/sexual slavery will become instantly clear!

Question #1

What's your favorite food?

• Pork
• Honey
• Anything with lots of vitamins
• Sushi
• I'd rather not eat, thanks
• Something healthy, low-carb, local, organic
• Brains

Question #2

What are your favorite shoes?

• Doesn't matter which, but I always have two pairs
• I don't wear shoes
• Alligator skin boat shoes, no socks
• New Balance
• Brand new black Nike sneakers
• Louboutins
• Sandals

Question #3

What's your favorite album/song/artist?

• The White Album
• Rock music is for the devil. I like choir music; preferably women's choir
• That Beck is nice
• Anything by John Mayer. He's dreamy
• Knockin' on Heaven's Door
• Anything by Josh Groban. He's dreamy
• Zombie-Zombie's "A Land For Renegades"

Question #4

When meeting new people, you tend to notice:

• Their manic charisma
• How many wives they have
• How gullible they are
• Their gadgets
• That their bodies seem ready for recycling
• The strength of their inner dreams!
• Their head size

Question #5

You can't stand:

• The piggies
• Our meddlesome government; modern society; equality; humanism
• Suppressive people
• Bad design
• This cruel, meaningless world; my own flesh
• Cynics; hip hop
• Undigested brains

Question #6

Given a choice, you'd rather be:

• Told who to kill
• Told who to marry
• Told how much to pay
• Told what to buy
• Told which cot to lay down on
• Told how to feel
• Told whose brains to eat

Your Quiz Result:

You should follow Charles Manson

You still believe, 40 years later, that the Beatles prophesied the coming apocalypse, you hate pigs and you're ready to kill when ordered to.

Your Quiz Result:

You should follow Warren Jeffs

You believe in the holy sanctity of plural marriage, living in remote parts of the desert doesn't bother you, and you're not too concerned about having kids with birth defects.

Your Quiz Result:

You should follow L. Ron Hubbard

You tend to believe everything you read, you've had a sneaking suspicion that your soul is actually an ancient alien, and you secretly want to hang out with Tom Cruise.

Your Quiz Result:

You should follow Steve Jobs

You think things should "just work," goddammit, you're willing to pay any price for good design and you look great in that turtleneck if you don't mind us saying so.

Your Quiz Result:

You should follow Heaven's Gate

Your hatred of the flesh knows no bounds. Plus, you look good in black and you're ready to go to the Next Level, by which we mean you're ready to kill yourself.

Your Quiz Result:

You should follow Oprah

You have a hard time choosing what to read, you believe The Secret to be true, and you harbor a deep, dark desire to get a free car or fridge just for being a part of the studio audience.

Your Quiz Result:

You should follow Zombie Jesus

You've often wrestled with your conflicting instincts to: 1) follow the word of God, and 2) devour delicious brains. With the coming of Zombie Jesus, rise up and be healed, and live in darkness no more. You CAN have it all!