19 Lingering Questions From Archie Comics

Oh, Archies.

1. How did this one freckled redhead with thick black eyebrows and a sweater vest get every babe in Riverdale?

Archie Comics / Via yerfacee.tumblr.com

2. Seriously, what was this checkered part of Archie’s hair even supposed to be?

Archie Comics / Via tumblr.com

Note the green polka-dot bow tie.

3. How did he have so much game that he even got with non-Riverdale hottie Cheryl Blossom?

Archie Comics / Via tumblr.com

4. Where did he get the funds to take aforementioned babes out on an endless string of dates?

Archie Comics / Via archiecovers.tumblr.com

Only so many shifts a kid can work at Pop Tate’s.

5. Did Archie ever get past first base or was he just the king of the make out-fake out?

Archie Comics / Via dirtyriver.tumblr.com

6. Why did Betty put up with Archie’s heartless mind games?

Archie Comics / Via lifewitharchiekins.tumblr.com

7. Was hanging out at the Lodge pool really worth a trampled heart?

Archie Comics / Via archiecovers.tumblr.com

Betty. You deserve better than this.

Archie Comics / Via hibernationsickness.com

8. Anyway, how were Betty and Veronica “best friends” while fighting over Archie all the time?

Archie Comics / Via karachiite.tumblr.com

9. And if Veronica was so outrageously rich, why did she go to Riverdale High with all the normies?

Archie Comics / Via poptates.tumblr.com

10. What, exactly, did Lodge Industries do to make so much dough?

Archie Comics / Via poptates.tumblr.com

Seems like a Koch Brothers-style conglomerate…

11. Why did Big Ethel let people call her Big Ethel to her face?

Archie Comics / Via sidekickclubhouse.tumblr.com

Hang in there, Big Ethel.

12. Why wasn’t anyone concerned about Moose’s disturbingly domineering relationship with Midge?

Archie Comics / Via lifewitharchiekins.tumblr.com

13. How did Jughead eat so many hamburgers and maintain that slim, slim figure?

Archie Comics / Via facebook.com

Glad he never ate his dog, Hot Dog.

14. And why did he despise and fear women so much?

Archie Comics / Via archiecomics.tumblr.com

15. Did the Bee and Miss Grundy ever take it to a less platonic level?

Archie Comics / Via poptates.tumblr.com

How about Grundy and ol’ Flutesnoot?

16. When…did this happen?

Archie Comics / Via blushy25.tumblr.com

Amazing.

17. Where is Riverdale anyway?

18. Where did Dilton Doiley end up going to college?

Archie Comics / Via thisisthescowl.tumblr.com

Dilton Doiley should be running the country.

19. And finally, why were Archies so addicting?

Archie Comics / Via facebook.com

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