1. “Going out”
What it normally means: You’ve got to blow off a little steam on the weekend, right?
Now it means: “Who can black out the fastest?”
What it normally means: Tasty treats to hold you over between meals.
Now it means: You will be able to survive off whatever ramen, alcohol, pizza, and Kraft Easy Mac you can get your hands on.
What it normally means: A classy drink you have with a nice meal.
Now it means: When you take it out of the box, you better slap the bag.
What it normally means: You don’t have any money.
Now it means: You still have money for booze and pizza, but that’s about it.
What it normally means: Movable objects used for both functional and decorative purposes within a room.
Now it means: The futon on which you watch Netflix and have sex.
What it normally means: A gathering of people in a social context.
Now it means: A mix of cheap alcohol, crazy outfits, horny twentysomethings, Solo cups, and a large dose of regret.
What it normally means: A fermented alcoholic beverage.
Now it means: Hamms, PBR, Keystone, Natty, and Coors. Any questions?
What it normally means: A book you need for your class.
Now it means: It costs $150 dollars, the professor probably wrote it, and you’ll need about one page in the entire damn thing.
What it normally means: The physical act of washing your clothes. If you’re lucky, someone else does it for you.
Now it means: Doing laundry in college is sort of like the Olympics: It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it is a BIG deal.
What it normally means: A language spoken by billions of people worldwide.
Now it means: A major for smart people who don’t know what they want to do in life. Also, they do not screw around when it comes to grammar.
What it normally means: A place you purchase books.
Now it means: A black hole that will suck away all your money for school merchandise, apparel, and supplies.
What it normally means: A place where you check out books FOR FREE.
Now it means: A place you will find yourself twice a semester — midterms and finals — and won’t spend a minute more inside than you need to.
What it normally means: Back in the day, these were individual units of educational time in high school.
Now it means: You’ll go to some, you’ll skip others, and if you’re smart, you won’t schedule any before 11 a.m. or on Fridays.
What it normally means: Back in high school, the good-looking, outgoing people owned the social scene.
Now it means: Cool people are actually recognized for being cool people.
What it normally means: In high school, they were about five pages long tops and followed the five paragraph structure.
Now it means: About 20 pages long, and you should have probably started it a tad earlier than the night before.
What it normally means: A place where adults over the age of 21 gather for a drink or two.
Now it means: Where everyone goes to get hammered and spill cheap beer on one another.
What it normally means: Hitting the hay at the end of the day.
Now it means: School, drinking, friends, and getting laid all take priority over getting some shut-eye.
What it normally means: You hated when your teacher gave it to you in high school, but you did it anyway because it was graded.
Now it means: You’ll find out about two weeks into freshman year that you never, ever need to do the reading.
What it normally means: An organized list of your accomplishments, skills, and activities required in job applications.
Now it means: One page of single-spaced, 12-point font, utter bullshit that is your entry ticket to the real world.
What it normally means: Being intelligent; knowing your shit.
Now it means: College is a fricking galaxy of bright, shining stars. Sorry, you aren’t hot shit anymore.
What it normally means: Siblings.
Now it means: If your school has Greek life, they may not be family by blood, but they’re your family nonetheless.
What it normally means: You crack open a beer or pour a glass of wine when you need to celebrate or let loose a little.
Now it means: The fuel for every good and bad decision you make from Thursday through Saturday.
What it normally means: A method by which your teachers could assess your knowledge in a subject area every few weeks in high school.
Now it means: Now, half your semester grade comes from the midterm, and the other half from the final.
What it normally means: Athletic competition you participate in or watch.
Now it means: When school pride is on the line, it’s the one thing the entire campus can agree upon.
What it normally means: Four years of education with a little socializing built in.
Now it means: Where you become who you are, build lifelong friendships, and occasionally learn a little — with some strong drinks added in for good measure.
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