1. A is for “All-Nighter”
Get your coffee with an extra shot of espresso, because it’s not like you would ever actually start that research project before the day it is due.
2. B is for “BFFs”
You need someone to help you take part in all these shenanigans, right?
3. C is for “Classes”
Otherwise known as the time in your day when you aren’t drinking. But seriously, enjoy them. After this, learning new things won’t be so easy.
4. D is for “Dive Bar”
Like the great watering holes of Africa where wild animals gather to drink, seniors flock to their chosen dive bar. A sad but true fact: After this year, you’re never going to know so many people at any one drinking establishment.
5. E is for “Essays and Exams”
Yes, every single word you seem to write during a paper tears away a little bit of your soul. Yes, exams wreak havoc on campus twice a year like an academic version of the Bubonic Plague. But rejoice, because this is probably the last time you will ever have to put yourself through the torture of either ever again.
6. F is for “Free Stuff”
SWAG. College ain’t cheap, so you may as well go all-out when it comes to getting bang for your buck. Student performances, concerts, and even counseling sessions are usually free or greatly discounted. Take advantage of it while you still can.
7. G is for “Graduation”
Doomsday. Armageddon. The End of the World As You Know It. Just kidding. You’re handed a $200,000 piece of paper and shoved out into the real world. Keep drinking!
8. H is for “Hangover”
If you’re doing senior year right, hangovers are like the three ghosts in “The Christmas Carol” — they’re your past, present, and future.
9. I is for “Independence”
Yes, you’ll be independent after graduation, but in a sort of “live on your own and have to pay bills” sort of way. Senior year is the fun type of independent where you can stay out all night and go to class the next day hungover with minimal consequences.
10. J is for “Job Search”
Because you need to earn money so you can eat after graduation.
11. K is for “Kid”
This is the absolute last time you will be considered a kid. After graduation, you’re a card-carrying adult.
12. L is for “Loans”
As in student loans. As in, lots of dollar dollar bills y’all that you’ll need to factor into your post-graduation budget.
13. M is for “Major”
Senior year is where you get to reap the benefits of your major. Instead of suffering through an entry-level biology class with 400 other freshmen, you finally get to take the baller upper level classes.
14. N is for “Natty”
And Keystone, Hamm’s, and every other cheap beer in the land. Because you haven’t upgraded to the classy stuff … yet.
15. O is for “Opportunities”
From talking to professors who are experts in their respective fields to extracurricular activities, there will never be so many available to you.
16. P is for “Procrastinating”
By senior year, you will have perfected putting off shit until the last possible moment.
17. Q is for “Questions”
“Should I be drinking on a Monday?” and “What is the lowest possible GPA I can carry to graduate?” and “What the hell am I going to do with my life?” are just a few of the troubling questions you will ask yourself senior year.
18. R is for “Resume”
Your entire life is riding on one sheet of paper embellishing every minor accomplishment in your life.
19. S is for “Senioritis”
Symptons of Senioritis include not giving a shit about classes, excessive drinking and general debauchery, and little to no sleep.
20. T is for “Thesis”
The T. Rex of research papers and the one you absolutely CANNOT start the night before it is due.
21. U is for “U do U”
As in, you’re at the top of the social totem pole and you don’t have to give a rat’s ass about what anyone else thinks about you.
22. V is for “Vodka”
What water is to average human beings, vodka is to college seniors.
23. W is for “Washed Up”
The constant drinking, partying, hooking up, and trying to get through the year is going to take a toll on your body. Yeah, you’re going to feel a little rough around the edges. But it’s a good look for you!
24. X is for “XOXO”
As in “bumping uglies,” “the birds and the bees,” “doing the nasty.” You’ve got one more year of being surrounded by young, attractive, educated people. Let your freak flag fly!
25. Y is for “YOLO”
Yeah, everyone only lives once, not just college seniors. But this year is the YOLOest year of your life, so act accordingly (just don’t die).