Pizza is OUT OF THIS WORLD good. You probably have a restless, longing desire for a slice right now, don't you? WELL YOU HAVE TO EARN IT.
1. Look at the globs of cheese hanging on dearly to the pie. But it is all in vain. There is hunger, and it must be satiated.
2. Look at the glistening pepperoni, the glimmering golden crust, and the soft pillows of cheese. Is your tongue throbbing? Is your throat closing up? Is your stomach groaning with longing?
3. Look at the crispy crust, the gentle hand caressing it, and OH DEAR LORD is that cheese on the crust? A salty, gooey surprise awaits you.
4. Oh my dear sweet Jesus, look at that cheese crackling and bubbling. Are you salivating? I'm salivating. My mouth is wet with anticipation.
5. Look at that pizza crust bubble, throb, and bulge. You want it. You want it all.
6. Look at that glistening, sweet sauce sinfully coating the dough. And that cheese! Coat my pizza in shreds of scrumptious cheese.
7. Look at that slick, glistening pie. I want it all, all of it. I want to swallow it whole. My throat is slick with longing pleasure.
8. Oh dear lord those toppings!!! That cheese!!! Look how fast he jerks it back and forth but the cheese stays!!!
9. Look at this pizza spin round and round. Top, bottom, then around again. Where do you even begin?!? You are mesmerized with yearning, and you don't want it to end.
10. Sweet baby Jesus, look at this pizza pie. Look at the warm crust, the ooey, gooey cheese. Imagine the warm, comforting feeling of it sliding down your throat.
11. Look how that pizza cutter slices through the thin, succulent dough. It yields to the blade, cutting deeper and deeper until it breaks. You want it — bad.
12. *SWEATING PROFUSELY, QUIETLY MOANS*
13. Look at this heavenly medley of pizzas. Are you drooling? Are your eyes glazed over? Is your stomach rumbling with anticipation and desire yet?
14. Does this pepperoni slice set you over the edge yet? How badly do you want this meat in your mouth right now?
15. You probably didn't even notice Ryan Gosling, did you? You were too busy being distracted by the sensual slice of pizza he is holding.
16. Or maybe you like it a different way, with a crisp, deep, crackling crust and a pool of steamy, juicy sauce.
17. MARY, MOTHER OF GOD!!!
18. JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.
19. *GROANS IN ECSTATIC PLEASURE*
20. *OPENS MOUTH, WET WITH SALIVA, READY TO TAKE AN ENTIRE WARM, GOOEY SLICE IN THE MOUTH*
21. *MOANS LOUDLY, EYES ROLL TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD*
22. *MAKES GUTTURAL, ANIMAL NOISES*
23. UNFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
Ohhhhh that was good. So, so good.
Same, Ryan. Same.
