1. You constantly check your phone to see if your crush has texted you, even if it hasn’t buzzed.
2. You freak out whenever your phone buzzes, because it just might be your crush.
3. When you see that it was your crush who texted you, it takes you at least a full minute to compose yourself before you can check your text. A choir of angels might even be singing in the distance.
4. If it wasn’t your crush who texted you, your heart sinks and you curse whoever had the nerve to contact you.
5. You agonize over every word, punctuation mark, and emoji you use when you text your crush as if you were one of the founding fathers writing the Constitution.
6. Every minute it takes for your crush to respond to you can only be described as complete and utter agony.
7. You calculate how long before you respond to your crush, sort of like Goldilocks did with the three bears’ porridge; it can’t be too soon or too long, but has to be just right.
8. When it comes to stalking your crush on social media, you’re as efficient as the NSA.
9. You know Instagram is the way to check out how hot your crush is, while Twitter is best for background on personality.
10. You’ve accidentally liked an old photo of theirs on Instagram.
11. You are a master at the art of reverse-stalking your crush on Facebook.
12. Timing when you friend your crush on Facebook is a fine art that you have perfected.
13. If your crush friends or follows you on social media before you do, it is pretty much the best moment of your entire life.
14. You will sporadically like and comment on your crush’s Facebook activity, finely straddling the line between creepy and cute.
15. You know your crush’s middle name, the names of their parents, siblings, any pets, and best friends — whether or not you have ever talked to them in person — because of social media.
16. You also know their favorite TV shows, movies, foods, and taste in music.
17. You also know random trivia about your crush, like where they went on vacation in 2011 or what clubs they were part of in college.
18. If you talk to your crush, you have to be super careful not to let on how much you know about them via the internet.
19. You’ll tweet about your crush’s favorite TV show or movie just after they did in the hopes of favorably gaining their attention.
20. You’ll also post something online that makes you seem “cool” or even “hot” if you know your crush will see it.
21. You and your friends have a nickname for your crush. You probably think it is clever, but really it just is creepy.
22. You are able to spot your crush from far distances or in a crowd because of weird distinguishing physical features, like the shape of their head or the size of their ears.
23. You’ve probably had a dream about your crush.
24. You’ve probably had an inappropriate dream about your crush.
25. You also will daydream about your crush. You will probably think about how cute they are.
26. Also, what they are doing right now.
27. Maybe even what they are wearing.
28. And most important, if they are thinking about you right now too.
29. In your mind, you’ve tried on your crush’s last name, just in case you get married.
30. You’ve already picked out your honeymoon spot.
31. Also, what you will name your children.
32. You’ve had an imaginary conversation in your head with your crush. Usually it goes better than any real conversation you might have with them.
33. You plan how nice your outfit will be based on whether or not you expect to see your crush that day.
34. You stand up straighter when you are around your crush.
35. You also suck in your stomach.
36. You’ve drawn their name in a heart. It’s cute when you’re in elementary school. In a college notebook or on office stationery, it’s just creepy.
37. You constantly see things you want to buy for them when you are out running errands, but realize such a gesture would probably just be weird.
38. Your friends are sick and tired of how much you bring up your crush in conversation.
39. Their favorite place to hang out suddenly becomes your favorite place to hang out.
40. You’ll also consider attending an event you would never go to under normal circumstances, like a basketball game, because that’s where you might see your crush.
41. When you talk/text your crush, you try your absolute hardest to keep your cool, but in your head, YOU ARE TOTALLY FREAKING OUT.
42. When you are around your crush, you absolutely, 100% cannot fart.
43. You also cannot burp.
44. Instead of your normal laugh, you do this weird forced thing so as to make it clear you think everything that comes out of your crush’s mouth is comic gold.
45. You also hang on to every word that comes out of your crush’s mouth as if they are Jesus and you are one of his disciples.
46. You will attend an event or party based on whether or not your crush will be there.
47. If you’re in the same room as your crush, you always know where they are at any given time, sort of how a lifeguard keeps one eye on a weak swimmer at all times.
48. You’ll position yourself in a room so you can see your crush, and vice versa.
49. You’ve come close to perfecting the art of staring at your crush without them noticing.
50. That being said, there have been some close calls.
51. There definitely has been a time where you thought your crush waved at you and you waved back, only to notice they were waving at someone behind you.
52. But the first time your crush noticed you was downright magical.
53. And if your crush has graced you with the gift of their conversation, it was a moment in your life you will never forget.
54. Once your crush has noticed you, your emotions will soar like a kite of happiness.
55. But then, for some reason — maybe you see your crush talking to someone else — you will experience soul-crushing doubt.
56. The thought of whether or not your crush will ever like you, the most existential of life questions, will cross your mind.
57. Then, you’ll have another moment of contact with your crush, and your roller-coastering emotions will return back to normal, or as normal as they ever will be.
58. Despite all of this craziness, you’ve realized having a crush is one of the most human experiences you can possibly have.