18 Ways To Get Arrested In Russia For Being Gay Or Gay Adjacent

Russia, you in danger, gurl. Update:Vitaly Milonov, the man who wrote Russia’s anti-gay law, is now attempting to charge Lady Gaga and Madonna (12 and 13 on this list) with “promoting sodomy, lesbianism, bisexuality and transgenderism among minors.” posted on

Kris van der Veen

“Have you told heterosexuals to become homosexuals?” “Do you think LGBT people are better than straight people?”

These are questions Kris van der Veen, a Dutch activist and filmmaker, was asked by Russian police after he and three other people were arrested in Murmansk, Russia while interviewing people for a documentary about LGBT issues. The police who interrogated van der Veen for almost ten hours wanted to know “if he was a gay spy of some sort, sent from the Netherlands to corrupt Russian youth.”

The questions reveal how disturbing and vaguely worded the law is. Take a look at the most important part of the law, the part that’s supposed to define gay propaganda:

Promotion of non-traditional sexual relations among minors, expressed in the dissemination of information aimed at the formation of non-traditional sexual facilities, attractiveness of non-traditional sexual relations, a distorted picture of the social equivalence of traditional and non-traditional sexual relations, or the imposition of information about non-traditional sexual relations, causing interest in relationships…

In plain English, the new law says there are four kinds of “gay propaganda” that can get you in trouble while you’re in Russia:

1. Encouraging minors to form LGBT groups.

2. Making LGBT relationships and lifestyles look “attractive” to minors.

3. Giving minors the “distorted” impression that LGBT relationships are as normal as traditional heterosexual relationships.

4. Forcing pro-LGBT information on minors.

In short, doing anything that portrays LGBT life in a positive way near anyone under the age of eighteen is illegal in Russia. Vladimir Putin has assured reporters that this law is “not about imposing some sort of sanctions on homosexuality,” but yeah: that’s exactly what law does.

Here are a few of the things that’ll get you arrested in Russia:

1. Wearing this shirt.

(I’ve already placed an order for this shirt.)

2. Or one of these pins when you’re walking around Sochi.

 

3. All of y’all are going to jail.

4. Marching at a Pride parade while holding a rainbow flag.

Olga Maltseva / Getty Images

5. Holding a rainbow flag in Moscow’s Red Square.

6. Being Tilda Swinton and holding a rainbow flag in front of the Kremlin.

(I, for one, think the Kremlin is a very gay looking building and should be arrested.)

7. Sharing this post about Tilda Swinton holding a rainbow flag in front of the Kremlin with a teenager.

8. Reading this article about Russia’s anti-gay law is illegal if you’re under the age of 18 in Russia.

Ria Novosti, a Russian news site, includes this warning on all articles related to LGBT issues.

9. Don’t even think about telling gay teens in Russia “it gets better.”

 

(No, seriously. Thinking about it is probably illegal.)

10. Holding hands while wearing a rainbow bracelet will probably get you arrested too.

Alexander Demianchuk / Reuters

11. Ironically, since Stolichnaya has emphasized its support of the LGBT community, one could make the argument that if you’re drinking it in public in Russia, you’re promoting the gay lifestyle.

Awkward.

12. Let’s just assume Lady Gaga would be arrested just for showing up again.

13. The same goes for Madonna and her #SecretProject.

14. Kissing in public will most certainly get you in trouble.

15. Getting a whole bunch of gay people together to kiss in public will likely get you arrested (and possibly attacked.)

 

16. Dancing to the Spice Girls in HIGH HEELS in PUBLIC?! Oh, gurl. You’re so arrested.

(You keep all that fierceness in France where it belongs!)

17. The same goes for any gay flash mob to “Single Ladies.”

This performance was part of a really elaborate (and adorable) gay marriage proposal. Needless to say, such loveliness won’t fly in the Mother Country.

18. Drag queens? Sashay away to jail.

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