1. So here you are on a plane. You’re either on your way to an awesome holiday, or you’re going to, you know, fall screaming out of the sky. Hooray!
2. So you distract yourself. With all the snacks.
3. You also keep an eye out for agitated flight attendants, as this can be your first indicator of impending disaster. This one seems… fine?
4. You don’t blink once during the safety demonstration, yet manage to retain exactly zero safety information.
5. During takeoff, the build-up of noise and pressure makes you feel as though your head will implode.
6. The in-flight magazine’s editorials on the vineyards of Estonia entirely fail to take your mind off this.
7. And then you’re just in the sky, unsupported, where NATURE NEVER INTENDED MAN TO VENTURE.
8. It’s only 8am, but alcohol seems like a reasonable response.
9. All you can think about is this happening. Key scenes from Lost keep playing over and over in your mind.
10. You obsessively come up with multiple strategies for this eventuality.
11. You work up the courage to teeter over to the toilet, where the sound of the flush terrifies you to your very core.
12. And you’re half convinced that it will suck you right in.
13. You never want to hear the pilot say this.
14. Of course, that’s not the worst thing you could hear.
15. Travelling with other nervous passengers just traps you in a fear spiral for the entire journey.
16. But then flying with people who don’t get your fear is no fun, either.
17. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT TURBULENCE.
19. All the plane snacks are but a memory. You’ve now taken to chewing the inside of your cheek.
20. Finally, finally, the pilot announces that you’re about to land.
21. You hold your breath the whole way down.
22. And then you’re done! You’re on solid ground! You get to fight another day!
23. Until your flight home, that is.
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