Marmite. Salty manna from Heaven. And so, so easy to get wrong.
1. When people spread it an inch thick on toast, and your throat gets all clagged up with yeasty treacle.
2. When people spread it too thinly.
3. When you're at a hotel breakfast buffet and there are 20 different types of jam, but no Marmite.
4. Or they have Marmite, but they don't have the right sort of bread.
5. Or someone tries to palm you off with Vegemite because "it's the same thing".
6. Or Bovril, FFS.
7. Worse than this, though, is when you're almost out of Marmite.
8. Or when you absentmindly* mistake Marmite for Nutella.
9. Or when you really fancy some Marmite on toast, but can't have any because the lid's stuck shut.
10. You wish people wouldn't judge you for making Marmite and crisp sandwiches.
11. And then there's the fact that you'll never visit Denmark because Marmite is banned there.
You need Marmite every day. Marmite is the blood. Marmite is the life.
12. You're a little bit embarrassed by all the twee Marmite marketing.
13. You sort of wish people would stop messing around with the formula. This, for instance, gets a big no.
14. Marmite made of Guinness, for some reason. Also no.
15. These... these are actually okay.
16. But these are all sorts of wrong.
17. Yeast-flavoured crisps should never have been a thing.
18. These are just nothingy bites of salty polystyrene.
Marmite's natural home is on hot buttered toast.
Or atop a steaming toasted crumpet.
19. All salty and melty and mmm.
... Urrrrrrr ...
Oh Marmite. I could never quit you.
You're stunning.
Even when they put random crap in you.
