18 Things You’re Only Scared Of If You Live In London

If you weren’t scared of mice that crawl up your trousers before, you will be now.

1. Realising that the party you’ve been invited to is in Zone 4.

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2. Turning up to a pop up restaurant to find that you can’t reserve tables and there’s a huge queue.

3. This place.

4. Getting to the station at the weekend and realising the tube line you need is closed for maintenance.

5. This happening.

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6. Getting in a boat on the Thames, ever since this happened.

7. Charity collectors in terrible costumes.

8. Falling asleep on the last tube and waking up here.

9. When you have to get in a taxi that isn’t a black cab.

10. Someone falling asleep on your shoulder on the tube.

11. When the tube stops between stations and the driver doesn’t explain what’s happening within five seconds.

12. That a crazy person might push you onto the tracks.

13. Ordering two drinks, handing over a tenner before you’ve been told the price, and then being told that’s not enough.

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14. When anyone looks at you ever.

15. When you see police with guns and know that something very, very bad has happened, or is about to happen.

16. Mice that crawl up your trousers. UMM WHAT?!

17. Pigeons getting stuck in your train.

18. And finally, the prospect that you may NEVER buy a house if you stay in London.

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