22 Surefire Ways To Spot A London Newbie

Don’t be too hard on them. It was you, once.

1. They try to pay for a copy of Time Out.

2. They think pressing this button will actually open the door.

3. They stand on the left.

4. But they soon learn not to.

5. They get the tube when walking would be quicker.

This alternative tube map shows journeys where walking is actually quicker than getting the underground.

6. They end up at the wrong Abbey Road.

7. “I know this great little restaurant, we should go some time.”

8. They actually try talking to people they don’t know.

Fools.

9. They giggle at this.

OK, so maybe this one never goes away.

10. They think going to Borough Market on a Saturday is a good idea.

11. They think going to Infernos on any day is a good idea.

12. When their friends suggest online dating they freak out and think it’s only for losers.

13. They still trust TfL’s journey planner.

14. They suggest that they might try to get on the property ladder.

15. They try smiling at strangers on the tube.

16. Again, they soon learn not to.

17. They think they’ll leave work at five o’clock.

18. They still find the living statues in Covent Garden amusing.

19. They try to pay for the bus with cash.

20. You go for drinks and they suggest meeting at Leicester Square.

21. They claim they’re only in London for a few years, before moving out of the city or travelling the world.

22. But we know that after a few months London will have them, and it won’t let go.

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