From a bit of light stubble.
Beards are wonderful things.
1. Unfortunately you wouldn’t know, because you have that most horrible of afflictions: Boy Face.
2. No matter what you do, it seems this will never change.
3. Despite the fact that there’s nothing you can do about it, you tend to get a lot of shit from the bearded.
5. You sometimes feel like you’re the only person in the world without a beard.
6. As you might imagine, Boy Face results in this happening quite a lot.
When you’re 21 this is kind of flattering. Not so much when you’re nearly 30.
7. Occasionally you fool yourself into thinking you can do it. It never ends well.
8. Yes, you might think it looks good. But trust me, it doesn’t.
10. But you know that IF you could grow a beard, you’d go from ugly duckling to beautiful hairy swan in an instant.
12. And dream that one day you’ll sneeze and a beard will just appear.
13. This time of the year is the worst, as your hairy friends start asking you whether you’re going to do Movember.
14. So you have to lie and tell them work won’t let you.
15. Every time you see a guy with an awesome beard you die a little inside.
16. You just want to go up to him and rip it off his face.
17. Though that would be useless. There is nothing stronger than a beard, unfortunately.
18. Eventually you realize you just have to accept it. Your face will be furniture free for the foreseeable future.
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