quiz

How Much Of A Wanker Are You?

There’s only one way to find out.

Robin Edds / BuzzFeed
  1. The person behind you doesn't have enough money for the bus. What do you do?
    1. Roll your eyes, but give them the money because you’re in a hurry.
    2. Pretend that you’re oblivious to the whole situation in the hope that it will go away.
    3. Tell them to get off the bus because they’re holding up your journey.
  2. There is one teabag left in the box. How do you react?
    1. Ask if anyone else wants it, but in a way that suggests they really shouldn’t say that they want it.
    2. You take it, then tell someone to go and buy more tea.
    3. You take it, and then put the empty box back in the cupboard.
  3. The sun is out, and your friend asks you to put suncream on their back. What is your response?
    1. You say no. That’s a bit weird.
    2. You say yes, but find it all so uncomfortable that you do a half-arsed job.
    3. You say yes, purely so that you can draw a cock and balls without them realising.
  4. Your mum has got you a horrible jumper for your birthday. What do you do?
    1. Tell her it’s not really your cup of tea and you’d like to exchange it.
    2. Lie and tell her it’s the wrong size so you can switch it.
    3. Pretend to like it but never wear it, unless your mum comes round to visit.
  5. You're unhappy in your relationship. Do you...
    1. Tell them you’re unhappy and break up with them.
    2. Act rude and uninterested until they break up with you.
    3. Stay together indefinitely because breaking up would make you feel bad.
  6. Someone gets on the train and you think there's a chance they might be pregnant. What do you do?
    1. Pretend to be asleep.
    2. Assume she’s pregnant and offer her your seat even though she may just be overweight.
    3. Stay sat down. If you can’t be certain, offering her the seat could really offend her.
  7. Which of the following best describes your approach when on holiday?
    1. You try to communicate with the locals using the five phrases you know.
    2. You speak English loudly and point excessively in the hope that they’ll understand you.
    3. You only go on holiday to English speaking countries to avoid such issues.
  8. There is someone next to you at the bar who has been waiting longer than you, but you get served first. What do you do?
    1. Give the bartender your order. All’s fair in love and queuing.
    2. Give your order, but then apologise to the person next to you and tell the bartender to serve them next.
    3. Tell the bartender to serve the person next to you first.
  9. You get on the bus and there is a pair of empty seats. Which of these describes what you'd do?
    1. You sit on the aisle seat, so people have to push past you to sit down.
    2. You sit on the window seat, but put your bag on the aisle seat so no one can sit down.
    3. You sit on the window seat but leave the aisle seat free.
  10. Your phone goes off when you're sat in the Quiet Zone on the train. What do you do?
    1. Answer it, but tell the person you can’t talk.
    2. Hang up. You must respect the Quiet Zone.
    3. Answer it and have a normal conversation.

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