75 Thoughts We’ve All Had During A Hangover

I’m just going to take a nap right here.

1. See above.
2. Where the hell am I?
3. Who the fuck are you?
4. How did I get here?
5. I cannot function right now.
6. I need to get food.
7. Did I eat last night?
8. Oh, this is dried ketchup.
9. IS THIS DRIED KETCHUP??
10. What the hell happened last night?
11. What is this bruise?
12. What did I do last night?
13. I can’t remember anything.
14. I need to lie down.
15. But first I need to take a dump.
16. What a fine log.
17. Still feel like shit.
18. FUCK YOU TEQUILA
19. I need to throw up.
20. I am going to make myself throw up.
21. I fucking hate my life.
22. I hate everyone.
23. Where is my phone?
24. What the fuck happened to my phone?
25. God I stink.

26. Someone definitely cried last night.
27. Oh shit that was me.
28. The walk of shame. I am doing the walk of shame.
29. I can’t feel my legs.
30. Everyone is staring.
31. Why is this person talking to me?
32. Do I look like I can hold a conversation?
33. I think you’ve just realized I’m brain dead.
34. Good, fuck off.
35. Why are there so many kids around?
36. God I hate kids.
37. I hate smiles and happiness.
38. If someone comes near my McDonald’s I swear I will scream.
39. McDonald’s has actually just saved my life.
40. The only thing I need in my life is McDonald’s.
41. And Burger King.
42. And KFC.
43. Pizza is good too.
44. Where can I get pizza?
45. How much money did I spend last night?
46. No money for pizza.
47. I think I’m still drunk.
48. I just can’t deal with this right now.
49. I want to crawl into a hole and die.
50. I wonder what the minimum order is for Domino’s delivery?

51. Uggggggh.
52. I cannot physically move.
53. This is the worst hangover ever.
54. There is a world full of pain and I am in it.
55. I’m just going to take a nap right here.
56. I don’t want to do anything.
57. WINE IS EVIL.
58. I am too old for this shit.
59. I need another dump.
60. How is it possible that I feel worse?
61. 21st century and still no hangover cure. GREAT JOB SCIENCE PEOPLE.
62. I am SO hungover.
63. This is the most hungover I have ever been.
64. I want to be held like a newborn babe.
65. I’d rather die that endure this any longer.
66. Someone shoot me.
67. Did that happen last night?
68. That didn’t happen last night
69. FUCK THAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT
70. If I don’t remember, it didn’t happen.
71. DENY DENY DENY
72. If anyone asks, you went straight home.
73. I am a fucking disgrace.
74. I am never drinking again.
75. I wonder what everyone’s doing tonight?

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