1. Receiving praise from your boss for work you didn’t do.
2. Watching someone else receive praise from your boss for work you did do.
3. Bumping into a co-worker in the bathroom after doing a number two.
I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.
5. Presenting to a room full of people who clearly just came for the free food.
6. Going on a massive rant around the office claiming that someone stole your lunch and then suddenly remembering you ate it already.
7. When someone unexpectedly hands over to you in the middle of a presentation and you’ve never even seen the slides before.
“This is a graph. This is another graph.” Repeat for the next 20 slides.
8. Being asked on the spot about your “workload” or “capacity.”
MUST STALL UNTIL I CAN FIGURE OUT AN ANSWER THAT WON’T SCREW ME OVER.
9. Having your “amazing” idea that you’ve worked on for weeks, shut down in two minutes.
10. Taking part in embarrassing “trust-building” exercises with co-workers you don’t even trust with scissors.
11. Asking someone to repeat everything they have just said because you weren’t listening the first time.
12. When you try to have a light-hearted conversation with senior management and they’re like:
But at the pub you said that was the best Borat impression you’d ever heard??
13. Taking the lift with your CEO.
Must try to seem like a respectable employee.