1. This is both the most exciting and the most terrifying sight in the world.
2. Because Writer’s Block is a real thing and there is nothing worse than it.
4. While secretly holding on hope that you’ll be the next billionaire author. There is no middle ground.
5. You dread being asked what you do, because saying you’re a writer always elicits interesting reactions.
6. Your friends all send you their papers* to edit.
*And cover letters. And emails. And basically anything that involves words.
7. You process all your experiences by writing extensively about them.
8. Which means all your significant others’ email inboxes are repositories of your best works.
9. And all your feelings are also available for public viewing somewhere on the internet.
10. Because at some point early on, you forsook your privacy for your career.
11. You know that there are good words and then there are bad words…
12. You involuntarily copyedit people as they speak, and make character judgments based on grammar.
13. You’re constantly torn between wanting to self-promote… And not wanting to be that guy.
14. You carry around a notebook full of bizarre observations…
Or the “Notes” app on your phone is overflowing with quotes and ideas.
15. You have a love-hate relationship with hashtags.
New literary form, or bastardization of conventional sentence-structure?
16. Your sleep schedule is at the whim of your writing urge. If inspiration strikes at 4 a.m., too bad, no sleep for you.
17. Which generally means that you look your worst when you write your best.
18. Your constant pursuit of new writing material means you’re occasionally masochistic and self-destructive.
19. Your friends are used to your constantly asking them weird and personal questions. They’re characters, after all.
20. Misused semicolons make you want to die; like now.
21. Your parents regularly ask you, very politely, if you’re absolutely certain that you don’t want to do something more lucrative.
So, as a compromise, you briefly considered working in advertising. Briefly.
22. Your taste in music is determined primarily by the quality of the lyrics.
23. You get incomparable joy from successfully using the Rule of Threes.
Rivalled only by the joy you get from successfully subverting it.
24. You have a special list of people to whom you send your works for feedback.
Knowing that they’re only as annoyed as they are flattered.
25. You simultaneously envy and disdain peers who aren’t turning their hobbies into careers.
Disdain because they’re doing it to make money. Envy because they’re making money.
26. You’re a tad dramatic because you can’t help but see your life as a story, with heroes and villains and motives and drama.
27. You can’t remember the last time you weren’t “working on a book.”
28. (Even if some undertakings have been regrettable in hindsight.)
29. Despite having written zero words of it, you already have a working title for your autobiography.
30. You’re extremely used to criticism, from friends and family and mostly from strangers.
31. But all the second-guessing and creative angst is worth it when you bust out a perfect paragraph.
32. And when your masterpiece is finally done, whether that’s next week or 50 years from now, you know it’ll take the world by storm.
- And it's been 100 years since the anniversary of Albert Einstein's general theory of relativity. ›