1. You only sign up for classes with the most lenient attendance policies.
2. Because you know you’re an expert at finding excuses not to go.
3. You only ever do as much homework as you absolutely need to.
Extra credit is for wusses.
4. You’re a pro at starting twenty-page papers the night before they’re due.
5. And even then, you end up procrastinating until 4am.
6. When you finally do turn in a paper, it has 3 inch margins.
Plus block-quotes on every page and 14-point-font for all the periods and spaces.
7. You routinely walk into the wrong classroom.
Because memorizing your schedule is way too much work.
8. So it’s a good thing you have no qualms about walking out whenever you want.
Because your phone battery was low, or you were done drinking your coffee, or you decided you needed a nap. Any excuse will do, really.
9. If you do find yourself sitting in class, you’re busy with Candy Crush/Temple Run.
10. Never, ever, ever, even in your wildest nightmares, would you sign up for a Friday class.
11. You have only the vaguest understanding of how to get around your college library.
12. When people tell you about the all-nighters they’ve spent there, you can’t imagine what they must do there.
14. So you’ve mastered the art of hangover chic.
15. Group project (noun): When four other people do your homework for you, and you occasionally nod in agreement.
16. “Required reading” is your favorite oxymoron. “Attendance mandatory” is a close second.
17. You’re always the first in the room to finish any midterm or final exam.
There’s that brief moment of looking around the room at everyone still writing and thinking you maybe missed a question… But it passes very quickly, replaced by the glowing promise of a nap.
19. You’re an expert at writing scholarly papers about books you don’t even own, let alone read.
20. You’re in an exclusive relationship with the snooze button on your alarm.
21. You’re fascinated by anyone who says they can’t go out because they have to “stay in to work.”
23. If you’d been allowed to major in procrastination, you’d graduate Cum Laude.
As things stand, you’re graduating Phi Beta Nappa.
24. When your friends complain about being stressed, you genuinely can’t empathize.
If fifteen pages can be written in one night, why spend two weeks worrying about it? Why?
25. You sometimes wonder if your nonexistent work ethic will come back to bite you in the ass someday…
26. Or if you should be concerned that reading this list has taken up your entire reading quota for the week…
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