27 Local News Stories That Prove Britain Can’t Handle Summer

Nothing says “British Summer” more than drunken Oompa-Loompas.

1. Summer’s a great time to take a trip.

2. Or stay home. But be careful with garden furniture.

3. The wet summer has driven the people of Wigan to eat more pies.

4. The heat has driven drunk Oompa-Loompas to go on the loose in Grimsby.

5. It’s all too much for MPs.

6. And the excitement of the World Cup is proving too much for some.

7. Someone in Burnley lost their patience altogether.

8. This shopper in Norwich doesn’t know when to stop.

9. THE BIN DAY IS CHANGING – SAVE YOURSELVES.

10. Whereas things are looking up in Dorset.

11. Everyone knows the coolest place to be seen this summer is the World Watercress Eating Championships in Alresford, Hampshire.

Winner David White managed to eat two 80g bags in just under two minutes. He told the Basingstoke Gazette: “I didn’t have any practice, although I do love watercress, so that probably helped!”

12. The life of this mouse in Cuckfield was spared.

13. Firefighters needed a 10-foot ladder to rescue this pigeon, which was “unhurt”.

14. The news was less positive for the goats of Devon.

15. Although the local vet had another idea.

16. North Devon was still reeling from this bombshell.

17. This cow felt an urge to be sporty in Northumberland.

18. The sun shone at the Duke of York pub, but its sign was wrong – a disaster.

19. Passions ran high with this callous act of revenge in Bridlington.

21. Meanwhile someone from Filey went on TV.

22. Exeter seagulls hinted that someone should go outside for a change.

23. What is it with seagulls these days?

As the story chillingly reports: “Residents reported seeing a mother grab her young baby and dash to the car after being bombarded by the gulls.

“And another incident saw five gulls attack a single person – although residents said they mostly attack ‘in twos’. A teenage girl was injured by the gulls, ‘though not seriously’, and another cornered in a doorway, they said.”

24. It was a close shave for one man in Lancashire.

25. This Welshman set out to find out how many Elkington Roads there are.

Spoiler alert: there are three and he’s still not been to the last one in Rugby.

26. There is a killer crow on the loose in Eltham, London (i.e. there is a crow in Eltham).

27. Meanwhile, Julie Waterhouse is waiting to see if Robbie Williams will sign this cross-stitch of him at his gig in July.

“I think it’s rather good - it took me ages to do,” she said.

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