1. Manchester United crashed out of the League Cup on penalties last night against Sunderland, making a bad season even worse. One drunken fan snapped and decided something must be done.
2. The police confirmed to BuzzFeed that the call really did happen and that the caller “had no offence to report”.
And even if he did happen to be working part time at the police station last night, Sir Alex, who left the club at the end of last season, can’t help them now anyway.