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<b>Uh oh. Saltines for tweens. SALTWEENS.</b>

Which One Of Tom Haverford's Business Ideas Would You Invest In?

You subscribe to the idea that more is more, and you have a passion for flashin'. Glitter in a laundry detergent is genius as far as you're concerned. Plus, think of the opportunities to expand on this theme. Sparkle Suds and Disco Dairy are just the beginning.

Sparkle Suds

The only real question here: how has a gourmet alcoholic yogurt NOT been created yet?

Yogurt Platinum

All you need is a complicated laser Tom has no idea how to build.

LASIK for fingernails

What Ben calls unnecessary, you call a tasty little morsel of a business idea. Youths would eat these up like crazy.

Saltweens

Every time you pull one out, you get a little message to hype you up. Messages like "Blow that nose, playa," and "Clear them sinuses, playboy." Positive encouragement combined with self-care combined with health consciousness? That is money.

Talking Tissues

This nightclub is open for one hour, two times a year. Cover charge: $5000. Sounds like gold.

Eclipse

Congrats! This business venture of Tom's is one that was actually successful and lucrative — for a time, that is. Probably because the word "bistro" is classy as sh\*t.

Tom's Bistro

It is totally The Newlywed Game. But big deal. Everyone steals. Tom's favorite movie is "Love Don't Cost a Thing," with Nick Cannon, which is based on "Can't Buy Me Love," which is based on "Kramer vs. Kramer" or something, which he thinks was Shakespeare. In essence, don't know, don't care. Because this is a solid game show. What network would buy it? There are a million networks out there, and they all need programming: Spike, G4, GSN, Wow, Boom, Zip, KaBlam, Slurp, Slurp Latin, Slurp HD (home of Ultimate Battle Smoothie), to name a few. Your options are limitless.

Know Ya Boo

You better believe that these contact lenses display emoji. So, instead of saying, "what up, boo?" you can type "what up" and a cute little ghost. 'Cuz that means boo. This idea simply has that, how do you say, ~diddly diddly diddly diddly swag~ about it.

Contact lenses that display text messages

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Which One Of Tom Haverford's Business Ideas Would You Invest In?

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