I think I can say a prayer or two while I write a check to the Red Cross, thank you very f*ing much.

#7 Check out that giant pile of rubble. With bricks in it.

I was moving to Florida for grad school. Boyfriend in Ohio says “I want to stay together, let’s not get serious with anyone while you’re away.” He is sleeping with my friend/coworker within 24 hours of that statement. Apparently, we needed to talk about our definitions of “not getting serious.”

Yes, it certainly was an ironclad performance. Good as gold.

I’m one of those people who cannot stand the Kardashians. That being said, she actually looks pretty good for being 6+ months pregnant. However, whomever is dressing her at the moment should be fired - her outfits are either ten sizes too small or so big that they are reminiscent of a circus tent. If she actually dressed for her current size and state of pregnancy, she’d probably look pretty good. Ugh, I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit typing that.

Wow…aren’t you a peach.

Now read this letter/these tweets in an Al Pacino voice. You’re welcome.

#1 DIABEETUS.

So, essentially, I can more or less disregard the emotional needs and desires of my spouse, so long as I pop out a kid.  Seems legit.  ::facepalm::