The 18 Least Accurate Ceremonial First Pitches In Baseball History

Carly Rae has an excuse — she’s not an athlete — but what about John Wall and Denard Robinson?

Update - July 15, 11:00 a.m. EDT: This piece has been updated and re-posted to reflect Carly Rae Jepsen’s recent outstanding contribution to field of tragicomically poor ceremonial first pitches.

ID: 1178566

New Addition: Carly Rae Jepsen

Her leg kick is pretty decent. And at least she handled it well.

ID: 1367275

1. Mariah Carey

High heels. Aim is actually pretty good.

ID: 1172907

2. Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory

Mark maintains eye contact the whole time, as if to say, “Go pick this up.”

ID: 1161298

3. Shawn Johnson

Maybe you could do better, sure. But where’s YOUR gold medal?

ID: 1161412

4. John Wall

There’s a considerable amount of speed on this pitch given how dodgy Wall’s mechanics are.

ID: 1173180

5. Adam Carolla

His windup is actually pretty good. Maybe the ball just slipped. Why don’t you try that again, Adam?

ID: 1173309

6. Adam Carolla (Second Try)

Oh, shit!

ID: 1173541

7. Carl Lewis

You know it’s not a good pitch when you’re asking for the ball back before it reaches home plate.

ID: 1161391

8. Karen Peterson (a retired schoolteacher)

The reaction and the hair redeem the wildness. “AHH!” —Karen Peterson.

ID: 1176983

9. Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’Abate

It’s a brushback pitch for a very tall invisible person.

ID: 1161338

10. Denard Robinson

Bouncing curveball for a strike? A Michigan Man always thinks outside the box.

ID: 1176242

11. Charlie Brown

One of these days, good ol’ Charlie will find his sport.

ID: 1161235

12. Joan Steinbrenner

You can practically hear her say, “Eh, whatever.”

ID: 1161430

13. Ex-Manchester United star Gary Neville

In England, they call soccer “football,” and baseball “let’s try to kill these camera guys behind the plate.”

ID: 1176891

14. The Kardashians (Kris, Khloe, Kourtney, Kim)

So many K’s, so few strikes.

ID: 1176827

15. John Bledsoe (an insurance executive)

Champion of the world. Handled the situation perfectly. Unless the fall was an accident. In which case that was not a good day for John Bledsoe.

ID: 1177235

16. Tiffany Hwang (Member of the South Korean girl group “Girls’ Generation”)

The catcher just gave up on this one. His fault.

ID: 1173662

17. Jessica Jung (also a member of “Girls’ Generation”)

The pink shoes and the faux-bashfulness combine to set women’s sports back about 40 years.

ID: 1176930

The lesson here: if you’re ever asked to throw out a first pitch, make sure to do some ceremonial warming up beforehand.

ID: 1178803

Check out more articles on!

  Your Reaction?


    Now Buzzing