thanksgiving

How To Survive Your Family This Thanksgiving

You just want to eat your turkey in peace.

It’s Thanksgiving. The house smells like turkey, your family is together, and just as everyone gathers around the TV to watch the parade…

http://__username__

Your uncle asks if you’ve gotten a real job yet.

http://__username__

Your grandma wants to know if you’ve found Jesus.

http://__username__

And your great-aunt wonders if you’ve heard that President Obama (if that’s his real name) is either an illegal immigrant or a hologram.

http://__username__

You know if you try to have a real discussion, you’ll never make it to dessert. So you need another route.

http://__username__

1. Avoid them.

http://__username__

Otherwise known as hiding.

If they can’t find you, they can’t ask you your position on abortion.

http://__username__

2. Shock them.

http://__username__

As a matter of fact, you have gotten more religious. And it was so easy letting Satan into your heart.

If everyone’s talking behind your back about how they saw it coming, they’re not talking to you.

http://__username__

3. Confuse them.

http://__username__

Just agree with whatever they say. They won’t know how to handle it.

Why, yes, Cousin Amy, I <i>do</i> believe anyone who eats a burger should be tried for murder, but let’s not talk about it here, they wouldn’t understand.

http://__username__

4. Sit at the kids table.

http://__username__

Their hot-button question will be “Do I look cute in this turkey hat?”

http://__username__

5. Make sure they’re eating all the food, all the time.

http://__username__

Because if their mouths are full of food, there’s less room for racist jokes.

6. Bring up puppies.

http://__username__

Because everyone, even your grumpiest great-uncle, loves puppies (or knows enough not to be anti-puppy in public.)

And the national dog show is on after the parade, so it’s even topical.

http://__username__

7. Fake a minor injury.

http://__username__

You burnt the roof of your mouth on the gravy, pricked your finger with a turkey bone; Thanksgiving can be dangerous.

There’s just no way you can discuss the crisis in the Middle East while you’re in pain.

http://__username__

8. Break into song.

http://__username__

It might cure everyone’s prejudices and bring harmony to the entire room.

Or it’ll at least drown out the arguing.

9. Put on “Miracle on 34th Street.”

http://__username__

The original to avoid the “messing with a classic” speech.

If the heartwarming moments don’t calm the conflict, you can at least insist there be quiet for movie.

http://__username__

10. Most importantly, make sure you have enough booze.

http://__username__

Because no matter how well you plan, sometimes your grandpa will corner you to tell you what’s wrong with your generation.

http://__username__

And if you do get sucked into a rage-inducing debate, don’t worry.

http://__username__

You can always work out your anger fighting over that microwave on black Friday.

Michael Nagle / Getty Images

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

          
    Hot Buzz

    Model Blasts Kendall Jenner For “Buying” Her Way Into The Industry

    win

    What’s The Craziest Thing You’ve Done To Get Out Of A Date?

    collection
    Now Buzzing