Last night, in regard to things that actually mattered at the VMAs, Tiltney Head Dipdyeney Spears showed up to the show to give it some legitimacy.
Godney Jeansus walked the red carpet for our sins.
She posed, tilted her head, showed off her dip-dyed hair, and cured a man of leprosy. The iconicness of it all.
Then, because nobody has time for this mess, Britney presented first.
*Reads award, commits miracle, turns water into Frappuccino*
"Hi! Cool show! Here's your award, Bruno Mars. Urban. Vanilla candles. Bye!" —Britney
And that was it. Britney left the building for some In-N-Out, McDonald's, or a late-night Target shopping spree (I heard they have new stuff @ the one spot!).
And that, my friends, is why Britney is a master of award shows. She doesn't stick around for any of the other bullshit.
Britney didn't have to watch Justin Bieber pretend to cry.
She didn't have to watch Demi miss the memo about "Pretty Girls."
