3. You will never have to learn this lesson the hard way.
6. Also never again:
7. You will never know what it’s like to get your head stuck in a clothes hanger.
8. You do not eat up to 2 pounds of rock a day.
9. Therefore you will never look like this:
10. You didn’t just fuck up a game of Jenga.
12. You will never read this book.
15. No one will ever force you to dress up in a stupid duck costume.
16. Your first kiss wasn’t broadcasted on national television.
17. You will never be on Judge Judy for throwing a pinecone at someone.
20. You are not the random little brother left out of your older brothers’ extremely successful boyband.
Sorry, Bonus Jonas.