1.
This woman's rats have started eating her tears.
2.
Tony's Sasquatch Hunters Club meeting has been canceled.
3.
And Ashley broke the goddamn TV, ruining movie day for the whole fucking class.
4.
Our tiny dogs are sleeping in beds they can't even fit in nor afford...
5.
...our hedgehogs have become dependent on pumpkin spice this, that, or whatever...
6.
...and our sweet, sweet cats can't take shits in peace.
7.
It's like, "Get to work, you dumb dog!"
8.
"Stop taking handouts from the government, Marnie!"
9.
"Who paid for that spaghetti, Cat?"
10.
Our education system, once a hallmark of pride and prestige, is now reduced to men in oversize painted-on bikini shirts and wigs.
11.
It's like no one knows how to spell!
12.
We have become a nation that worships false gods!
13.
There was a chicken in this man's garage!
14.
Our economy has been reduced to four golden retrievers playing backroom poker on Sunday nights.
15.
Red pandas literally can't walk in their neighborhoods without being catcalled and harassed.
16.
Not even Clay Aiken could save us.
17.
Capitalism basically doesn't even exist anymore.
18.
Those floaty things have collapsed into a jumbled twerking mess.
20.
Guy Fieri has turned into a baby, become "Heaven's Gift," and fallen into a giant hand.
21.
This man is surviving on solely pasta.
22.
Have YOU EVEN tweeted Jesus lately?
24.
Nothing actually makes sense anymore.
