Like a cow in heat on cold Winter's day, country music needed a change. As the most problematic music genre since like ever, a reinvention was necessary.
The signs were all around us. Our trucks were breaking down. The whiskey was running out. Just look at what the blogs were saying!
America's most personal music genre was dying.
Last week, that all changed.
Rihanna, a former popstar originally from Barbados, teamed up with a team of ragamuffin misfits and dropped the country song we've all been waiting for.
It's called "FourFiveSeconds" and somewhere in heaven Patsy Cline is gagging because she could never.
View this video on YouTube
Howdy fuckin' ho, Rihanna saved country music.
We also have to give credit to her background dancers.
Expect her to sell mad albums because that's the only genre that does so...
Rihanna is about to get these serious coins. Country music is the only genre pushing real units.
... it'll be really cool to see her at the country award shows winning mad trophies...
RIHANNA COMING FOR THE COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS
... and eventually she'll be America's sweetheart.
Rihanna is coming to fill your space in country music. @taylorswift13
So slay that cornfield. Get that harvest.
Maximize that milkage. Giddy on up.
Ride that bull to completion!
Country music has a new queen and her name is Rihanna.
See ya in the mud pit!
