Why “All Night Long” Is Unequivocally The Most Important Music Video EVER

Well, my friends, the time has come to raise the roof and have some fun.

DISCLAIMER: What you are about to read has a lot of very enthusiastic capitalization.

2. It ALWAYS lifts you up when you’re feeling down. Lionel Richie is basically a musical Jesus.

3. His mustache fights gingivitis.

4. Look at all the colors. It’s BEAUTIFUL. Rainbows turn green with envy when they watch this.

5. WHY IS THERE A REVOLVING DOOR?! WHY THE FUCK NOT?

6. Because dancing on your fire escape is an embodiment of the American Dream.

7. Historians claim Lionel Richie invented “people watching” in THIS MUSIC VIDEO.

8. FUN FACT: These are actually robots.

9. It’s a natural aphrodisiac — like oysters.

10. It’s an endless cornucopia filled with joy…

11. THE MOST BOSS HANDSHAKE EVER.

12. AFRICAN DANCERS!

13. DRAMATIC ENTRANCES!!

14. THE WORM!!!!!!!

15. DISROBING CHAUFFEURS!!!

16. CUTE KIDS!!!!

17. AND THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

18. These guys went on to become U.S. Ambassadors. TRUE STORY.*

*Not a true story.

19. This dance move impregnated the ’80s. YES, A WHOLE FUCKING DECADE!

20. It taught the world how to deal with agitated cops trying to kill your vibe.

21. HAVE LIONEL RICHIE HYPNOTIZE THEM!

22. It works like a charm.

23. And MOST IMPORTANTLY it taught us that when the party is getting TOO HOT…

24. Dance toward the horizon.

25. Are you somehow not convinced? Watch the video and fiesta forever.

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