24 Things That Make You Say "Really, ESPN?"


This Saturday, Fox Sports 1 will launch across the country with the goal of challenging and perhaps one day overtaking ESPN as the the preeminent sports network. There will be an inevitable learning curve, but as of right now they haven’t had the opportunity to make mistakes and be ridiculed — with the exception of that stupid football robot, Cleatus — so, to help them out, I’ve compiled a bunch of things ESPN has done that FS1 should probably avoid repeating.

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1. When they compare Kobe Bryant with a real mamba.

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2. When they compare Ben Roethlisberger to a polar bear.

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3. When they create white Michael Vick.

D’arcy Hyde for ESPN The Magazine
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4. When they misidentify Rick Ross.

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5. And where the Achilles tendon is located.

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6. When they give grooming advice.

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7. Or comment on men’s fashion.

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8. When they “accidentally” use sexual innuendoes on the front page of their website.

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It happens a lot.

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Like ALL the time.

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9. And it doesn’t stop at the website either.

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Sometimes it REALLY catches you off guard.

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10. Like when they focus their camera lens on a three-letter word in the bottom left.

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11. Speaking of words: Sometimes they have trouble with them too.

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It’s a constant struggle.

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Even with state names.

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To be fair I’ve totally spelled “eligible” wrong before.

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12. When their horny broadcasters act all horny…

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I’m looking at you, Brent Musburger!

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13. When they get the sport wrong.

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14. Or simply give up.

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15. When they’re “drink and drunk.”

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16. When they show us poll results.

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17. When they forget to switch the picture.

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18. When they interview the dancers from Dancing With The Stars.

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19. When they say a kicker made a field goal the length of six football fields.

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20. When they’re accidentally racist.

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21. When they “embrace debate.”

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22. When they compare athletes from different sports.

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23. When they get obsessed with one athlete.

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24. And of course this.

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