32 Reasons You Wish You Were The Fourth Manning Brother

What a blessed life that would be.

1. You’d probably be roughly 6-foot-5 with a laser rocket arm.

ID: 1645043

2. You could get great stock tips from Cooper.

The frequently forgotten Manning brother is a highly successful energy trader in New Orleans.

ID: 1648583

3. There’s a pretty decent chance you would get to host SNL.

ID: 1644992

4. You could build sandcastles on the beach with Eli.

BRJ / FameFlynet Pictures

ID: 1647471

5. Plus you could eat at any of Peyton’s 21 Papa John’s locations in Denver for free.

Peyton demonstrated tremendous business savvy by purchasing these Papa John’s franchised right before marijuana was legalized in Colorado.

ID: 1644910

6. You’d be a part of the best sibling rivalry in sports.

Imagine games of Trivial Pursuit?

ID: 1644141

7. You’d be rolling in endorsement deals.

ID: 1649761

8. You could sing at charity events in tuxedos with the family.

ID: 1644603

9. Cooper would convince you to wear a garbage bag to a Saints game.

Bill Feig / AP

Archie Manning is one of the most beloved figures in New Orleans sports history, but his days as a Saint were marred by a lackluster supporting cast and a ton of losses. His record during his 10 years in New Orleans was 35-91-3 and the Saints were referred to as the ‘Aints. Fans attended games wearing brown paper bags over their heads. So Cooper and Peyton joined in. “We were six and four years old. Some guys were there and had them on and left them in the seats. My Mom turned around and there we were, we had them on our head, too. We didn’t know what we were doing, of course.”

ID: 1648135

10. Then he’d totally give you wet willy in family photos.

Bill Frakes/SI
ID: 1647693

11. And kisses at black tie events.

ID: 1648058

12. Because Cooper’s goofy like that.

ID: 1648584

13. You could say “My brother ruined Tim Tebow’s career.”

Doug Pensinger / Getty
ID: 1644968

14. And then throw back some beers with your famous bros…

ID: 1647692

15. And make fun of them mercilessly when they sing karaoke.

ID: 1649237

16. You would have been immortalized on The Simpsons.

ID: 1648786

17. You’d most likely have football on your phone.

ID: 1647920

18. You could hang out with Principal Belding at the ESPY awards.

ID: 1647388

19. You’d be an expert at pranks.

ID: 1648949

20. You would tailgate like a king at Ole Miss games with football’s first family.

Bill Frakes/SI
ID: 1647698

21. You’d be pretty unflappable under pressure.

ID: 1650213

22. You can count on Peyton to pick up the tab at dinner.

ID: 1644969

23. You could have played on the same high school team as these studs.

ID: 1648762

24. And you’d look great in a fake mustache.

ID: 1648125

25. You’d be able to throw a Nerf ball a country mile.

Astrid Stawiarz / Getty
ID: 1647695

26. You’d be an expert at trash talking.

ID: 1645089

27. You’d be related to Taryn Manning from Orange Is The New Black.

Rob Kim / Getty

Tayn is the daughter of Archie’s cousin, so it would be a distant relation, but you could probably get some screener DVDs.

ID: 1648875

28. You’d probably be a part of adorable charitable foundations.

Eli Manning has been the host of Guiding Eyes for the Blind’s Golf Classic, the oldest and largest charity golf event in Westchester County, New York, for the past five years. The Golf Classic raises more than $500,000 annually.

ID: 1650051

29. Seriously, you could do whatever you want.

ID: 1647980

30. You could act like a tough guy with your offensive line.

ID: 1650280

31. You could chant “Cut that meat!” with Peyton every Thanksgiving.

ID: 1649309

32. Because you’d be a Manning, and that would be pretty awesome.

ID: 1650258

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

  Your Reaction?


    Now Buzzing