1.
New Years resolution #67: I'm not gonna be jealous of the parties I wasn't invited to that I saw on Instagram.
2.
Coworker: Got a New Years resolution? Me: Yeah, to stop being condescending. CW: Oh ok. Me: That means I talk down to people.
3.
1st day of 2016 and I already broke my New Years resolution not to take the Lords name in vain while rummaging thru my exgirlfriends garbage
4.
my resolution is to get healthier while still destroying my body with drugs and alcohol.
5.
My wife just googled "how to make your own coffee creamer" so I guess our 2016 resolution is to save $4 and not like coffee.
6.
just ate bacon off the floor at LAX, so theres ONE resolution gone! Hope there's no chipotle-flavored vapes, on this flight
7.
Already broke my "No eating Taco Bell and Burger King in the same day" resolution. :^(
8.
My resolution is to acquire another 28k bot followers. And maybe another set of three human followers.
9.
My New Year's resolution is the same this year as every year; to launch the 14th most visited forum focused on moon landing conspiracies.
10.
I bought a treadmill because my New Year’s resolution is to have more things to put my laundry on
11.
Just set fire to an orphanage. Can't believe I've broken my resolution already.
12.
My New Years resolution is to spend less time with friends and family and more time browsing dank memes
13.
My New Year's resolution was to not stress out so much about the little things. I just threw a golf club in to the woods after a bad shot.
14.
Checking off "be inexplicably moved to tears by the song 'Solid As A Rock' in Whole Foods" off of my 2016 resolution list!
15.
2016 Resolution: Drink more orange juice directly from the carton.
16.
my New Years resolution is to finally get to work on my passion project
17.
My New Year's resolution is to give up alcohol. Oops, I meant: My New Year's resolution is to give up. Alcohol! #newyearsresolution
18.
A telemarketer from a gym just called and I panicked so much I told him my new years resolution is to "keep that sweet pudge!"
19.
My New Years resolution is don't die and don't go broke