1. The Kickbee
Want to tell the world every single time your baby kicks in utero? Then the Kickbee is for you. When it detects a kick, it automatically tweets “I kicked mommy!” I don’t see how that could possibly get annoying.
2. “It’s A Boy” Birth Announcement
Tell the world you’ve had a son in the most crass way possible.
3. Riding Potty Chair
Making bathroom time like a playground ride seems like a really bad idea. “Don’t rock back and forth so hard, sweetie!” Slosh, slosh. Ugh.
4. Birthing dolls
Perfect for teaching your children where babies come from. You know, if you live in a horror film.
5. The Windi
While The Windi is great for relieving colic, constipation, and other gas-related problems, it’s impossible to use without feeling more than a little awkward.
6. The Penguin Urinal
I don’t know what’s weirder - the fact that it’s a urinal for little boys, or that little boys are supposed to pee into their “penguin friend.”
Wait. There’s something weirder than either of those things. According to the packaging, you can place it anywhere in your home!
If your kid is peeing into a penguin shaped urinal in your living room, maybe it’s time you asked yourself some hard questions.
7. Sperm Earrings
What better way is there to say you’re a parent than by wearing sperm shaped earrings?
8. Fisher-Price iPad Apptivity Seat
Now newborns can be as dependent on technology as the rest of us.
9. Kaloo Blue Perfume
This perfume is for babies from ages 1 month to 3 years old. Finally, at long last, there’s a way to cover up that awful new baby smell.
10. Walk Up Toddler Changing Center
If kids are able to climb atop a changing table, they’re probably ready to use a toilet.
11. Changing wrap
Nobody wants their kid to be grabby when they’re changing their diaper, but putting them in a Hannibal Lecter style straight jacket is a bit much.
12. Potty Mitts
Granted, public bathrooms are gross, but teaching your kid to wear mitts when going to the bathroom is almost guaranteeing they’ll grow up to be a germaphobe.
13. Placenta brooch
Sperm shaped earrings too subtle for your taste? Try rocking this placenta brooch.
14. Placenta Teddy Bear
Designer Alex Green’s “Twin Teddy Kit” lets parents turn their baby’s placenta into a disgusting, I mean, adorable keepsake.
15. Nurse Me Tender
Now formula feeding parents - including dads - can simulate the experience of breast feeding, which is totally normal and not weird in any way.
16. The Breast Milk Baby Doll
Guess what? Little girls can also simulate breast feeding!
It takes just three simple steps.
Somewhere there’s a little girl saying, “Look at me! I’m breastfeeding just like my dad!”
17. Inappropriate Onesies
Why put your baby in a traditional onesie when you can dress them in one that’ll weird everyone out?
18. Breast Milk Pendant
It’s described as “a keepsake to remind you of the breastfeeding bond between you and your child,” which sounds charming until you realize it means wearing your breast milk around your neck for the rest of your life.
19. Fetus Cookie Cutter
If you can eat these cookies without feeling bad, then maybe having kids isn’t for you.
20. Gummy Fetus
Finally! There’s at last something for parents who don’t like cookies, but want to eat creepy fetus shaped sweets!
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