1. With a flash mob.
These were pretty cool a few years ago, but now they’re just embarrassing. If you’re out in public and Bruno Mars’ “Marry You” starts playing, be afraid. Be very afraid.
2. When you’re not looking your best.
You’re going to want to take photos to capture the moment, so ideally you don’t want to have a giant pimple on your nose or be wearing Cheetos-stained sweatpants.
3. As part of a fake arrest.
Most of these proposals are just ill-conceived. This one is a deal breaker.
4. In skywriting.
These can be charming until you realize your partner had thousands of dollars to spend on your proposal and came up with this!
6. On any holiday, basically.
Holidays are already special enough as it is, don’t you think? Also, if the marriage doesn’t work out that holiday will be forever tainted.
7. At your workplace.
It’ll happen just as you always dreamed… under fluorescent lighting with Vern from accounting peeking into your cubicle.
8. On your birthday.
Let’s cut the crap, shall we? Anyone who proposes on this day is just trying to get out of buying you a birthday present.
9. At a sporting event.
Level 10 Nightmare: You suddenly appear on the Jumbotron, mid-bite of a hot dog, as 40,000 people watch your partner get down on one knee. Shudder.
10. In front of your partner’s family.
You’re going to have to deal with your future mother-in-law soon enough. Do you really need her at your proposal too?
11. By finding a ring hidden in your food.
Even if you don’t accidentally swallow the ring, you’ll still be getting engaged in the most clichéd way possible.
12. At Disneyland.
This is perfectly fine if you’re both Disney fanatics, but if you’re not, a proposal here is more “Haunted Mansion” than “Happiest Place on Earth.”
13. At a restaurant.
Not only is every table listening in, but then you’ve got to sit there until the check is paid. No thank you.
14. Immediately after a positive pregnancy test.
Is it too much to ask for your partner to at least wait until the pee dries on the stick?
15. When you’re proposing.
Hijacking a proposal and turning it into their proposal? Not cool.
16. On stage at a concert.
If it’s your favorite band of all time, OK. But the house band at your local Hyatt ballroom? Not so much.
17. At the mall.
No proposal should ever happen within 500 feet of a food court.
19. On a whim.
If your partner gets it in their head to propose right then and there, your magic moment could take place… in a parking garage.
20. After a night of drinking.
“Swill yoooo — belch — may-wee me?” Luckily for you, your partner will more than likely have forgotten about the proposal in the morning.