1. Waving at someone you think you know but actually don’t.
2. Holding the door open for someone far away and forcing them to run over.
3. Replying to someone you think is talking to you, but actually they’re on their Bluetooth.
4. Pulling a door that says “push” and vice-versa.
5. When you’re caught without your glasses or contacts and the people around you are just moving blurs of flesh.
6. When your server says, “Enjoy your meal!” and you reply, “Thanks, you too!”
7. Telling a joke but then forgetting the punch line halfway through.
8. Grabbing a pole on public transportation but then holding someone else’s hand.
9. Saying goodbye to someone then realizing they’re going the same way as you.
10. Walking on a crowded sidewalk and inadvertently swinging your hand into someone’s crotch.
11. Using your phone in the bathroom and leaving the sounds on for everyone to hear.
12. A: “How’re you?” B: “Doing well! How about you?” A: “Good, thanks. You?”
13. Typing out a text/email in a rush and sending it to the wrong person.
14. Facebook stalking someone and accidentally liking their profile picture from six years ago.
15. Going in for a hug but all the person wanted was a handshake.
16. Telling someone a hilarious story and realizing that they were the one who told it to you.
17. Holding your hand near a person’s face for the longest time before they realize what you’re doing.
18. Or you both go for it but you guys aren’t even on the same page.
19. Asking someone at a store for a different size and realizing they don’t work there.
20. Thinking there’s one more step to walk down and tripping over the unexpectedly flat ground.
21. When you talk to someone and your voice is gross and croaky because that was the first time you spoke all day.
22. Wearing the same outfit as someone else, probably because you both got it on sale at the same store.
23. Attempting to parallel park in front of an outdoor café with plenty of people watching.
24. Laughing out loud at something you read in public and everyone looks at you.
25. Even worse when you just laugh at something you remember and everyone thinks you’re hearing voices in your head.
26. Lip-synching to music with your earbuds on the street and looking like you’re talking to yourself.
27. Trying to be smooth at the subway or Metro turnstile in a crowd of tourists but getting this dreaded message.
28. When someone calls out your name but you don’t know if it’s you because there are five other Matts in the room.
29. When someone says they’re going to a funeral or a hospital visit and telling them reflexively to “have fun!”
30. Jamming along to a song with friends but then singing the wrong lyrics.
- World leaders are gathering in Paris for the United Nations summit on climate change 🌍 ›
- Planned Parenthood officials said they believed Friday's shooting at a Colorado Springs clinic was motivated by opposition to abortion. ›
- And Kobe Bryant wrote a poem announcing that he's retiring from professional basketball at the end of this season 🏀🎭 ›