38 Problems Every Italian Kid Knows

You used to stink of salami. All. The. Time.

1. Nutella was the only spread in your cupboard.

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2. And your sandwich always had at least two different deli meats on them.

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3. It meant that the other kids in the playground thought you always smelled of salami.

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4. Your mother was the scariest and most terrifying person in your life.

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5. But Nonna was the most important person. No one else mattered.

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6. And she was never going take that apron off…. even in photos.

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7. Your lounges were always covered in plastic or a rug or a blanket. You were never sitting on that couch.

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8. You were given envelopes full of cash for every major life event.

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9. Because your family didn’t trust banking so there was always cash stashed away in the house.

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10. And while all the other kids had parties at special places… all your birthdays were in the garage.

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11. It was also the place for annual tomato day. Or as you knew, child labour day.

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12. And beer bottles would be saved throughout the year for this day.

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13. And all that sauce (gravy) meant nothing could ever fit in the freezer.

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14. The pasta also needed to be dried somewhere.

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15. When it came to pizza, no one believed you that it should be rectangular.

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16. Your mouth was full most of the time so you had to learn to speak with your hands.

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17. And you needed to perfect the hand gestures… like this means “what are you doing?!”

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18. And this was the most offensive way to dismiss someone.


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19. Sometimes you really didn’t know anything.

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20. Visitors to the house were always served coffee from this… and thought it tasted terrible.

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21. And you were given a coffee addiction you still have to this day.

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22. Now this is a balanced breakfast.

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23. Every tea-towel around the house had a map on it.

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24. This is what’s called a “small plate” of pasta.

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25. Spelling your surname to people felt like this.

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26. And you got a terrible nickname because people couldn’t say your real name.

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27. The greatest national triumph came just after this moment

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28. And you remember crying when this happened.

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29. The only music played in the house was from this guy.

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30. You owned too much “Italia” merch.

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32. Your family were more like The Sopranos, because your Dad would be really picky.

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33. Your childhood heroes were these renaissance artists.

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34. Listening to people trying to speak Italian kinda felt like this.

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35. But it didn’t matter because you’re a real Italian who loved telling everyone all the time.

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36. We come from the Romans! The people who started civilisation!

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37. And we love being in the spotlight…

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38. Say it loud and proud!

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