they should hire me instead! sure i’m short, clumsy, and say fuck a lot, but i got a good work ethic and can suck in my stomach for hours if you wanted me to.

sophia, i’d love to spend my vday with you, girl.

in my book, it’s ok to microwave anything.

SO TRUE ABOUT THE JULY THING. I was devastated.

#11 “redfood”? that’s only slightly less idiotic than redfoo

#19 at first I was like, kelly clarkson smokes weed? sweeeet

no thanks…

“your poor, bitter wife looks at a wooden box in grace’s hands.”
kiiinkyyyy

“…ever since being ignored by her classmate, billy, at age 6, jenn levya has waged a war on affection.”