stpatricks

17 Perfect Letters From Kids To Leprechauns

St. Patrick’s Day: a day for children everywhere to ask for everything they didn’t get for Christmas.

1. Wishes are important, so obviously choose yours wisely.

Translation: “Leprechauns are as green as a little shamrock and as tricky as a clever fox. If I caught one, I would put a pot of gold to lure him into the cage and trap him. Then I would wish for a blue D.S.”

2. Installing security systems after you’ve caught the perpetrator is always a good choice.

Translation: “Leprechauns are as sly as a red fox named Steve and as small as a bee named Dwinkledworf. If I caught one, I would put security lasers all over my house.”

3. Leper cones deserve love too.

Translation: “Can you leave something of yours? Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, little leprechaun.”

4. Clover sounds like a really lucky chap.

5. Bonus points for highly artful leprechaun butt drawing.

Translation: Good morning. Today is Tuesday. We have P.E. If I caught a leprechaun I would spank his butt.”

6. How unintentionally poetic.

Translation: “Leprechauns are as mean as a slick fox and as rich as a thin millionaire. If I caught one, I would put it in quicksand fast. Then I would wish for all the gold he has forever thoroughly.”

7. “Fish make great friends.” —No one ever

Translation: “If I caught a leprechaun, I would ask him where the pot of gold is. If I got the pot of gold, I could buy a lot of stuff. I would still keep him and feed him. Then he would be friends with my dog and my fish.”

8. Green apples solve everything.

Translation: Reason 1: “If you give me your gold, I will let you go.” Reason 2: “If you give me your gold I will never ask you to give me your gold again.” Reason 3: “I will give you a green apple.”

9. Aw, this little girl makes the future of America look a little brighter.

Translation: “I think you should give your gold to me because there are a lot of homeless people in Nevada. I an very, very, very nice. I am a good kid. I have the best teacher in the whole world. I live in the desert, and I am not tricking you.”

10. This kid’s use of adjectives rivals Shakespeare’s.

Translation: Leprechauns are as tiny as an ant and as green as Yoda. If I caught one, I would put it in a creative jar. Then, I would wish for an awesome hover board, a humungous lollipop, and an incredible crystal.”

11. It’s about time someone took a stand against pinching.

Translation: “If I caught a leprechaun I would take his gold and run away. I would make him show me where his gold is. I would find the rainbow and follow it. I would make him stop picking on people.”

12. These are very good arguments.

Translation: Reason 1: “Leprechaun wouldn’t have to carry around heavy gold because I would have it.” Reason 2: “I could buy games and toys like X-Box.” Reason 3: “I could pay for my family and me to go on a trip to Lego Land.”

13. Height doesn’t matter when you’re packing some serious sumo power.

Translation: “Leprechauns are as happy as a humming bird named Ellie and as fat as a black sumo wrestler.”

14. When all else fails, play dirty.

Translation: “If I caught a leprechaun I would ask him where he keeps his gold, and I would take it. I would also put him in a cage with fake gold.”

15. There are green and gold kittens? WHERE?!

Translation: “Leprechauns are as whiny as a green and gold kitten and as crazy as a hyena.”

16. Room crashers be warned.

Translation: “Dear Leprechaun: Did you crash my room? Because if you did I swear I will bury you!”

17. If you see these kids, run. Run far away.

Translation: “If I caught a leprechaun, I would chop him in half and then steal his gold and hide it somewhere up high in a cabinet and he will try to get it.”

Translation: “If I caught a leprechaun I would kill him.”

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