1. I have to find the second sock that went missing in the laundry even though I don't really need it and never liked it in the first place.
2. I read the symptoms for appendicitis and now I don't want to move anywhere.
3. I remembered that Justin Bieber existed.
4. The place you picked only has Pepsi.
5. I told my mom I'd call her.
6. I have no underwear left because I haven't done my laundry in over a month and I don't have time to go shopping for new underwear.
7. I got some bananas at the market and now they're like one day away from molding.
8. They just put up new things on Netflix.
9. Netflix asked me if I want to continue onto the next episode.
10. I accidentally fav'ed one of your tweets while stalking you.
11. My hair looked good this morning but now it doesn't.
12. I saw my ex's new girlfriend and she's not that pretty so I don't really need to be dating anyway.
13. I can't stop thinking about the fact that baby carrots are lies.
14. My cell phone only has 3% battery.
15. I forgot to put my Spotify on private and someone called me out for listening to the same Taylor Swift song over and over again.
16. I ordered a salad for lunch and it was not satisfying and now I'm too hungry to listen to you talk.
17. Sorry, looking at this photo of a dog.
18. I didn't go to the gym this morning, or yesterday morning, or at all this month. I should probably go.
19. I remembered that Ben Affleck is going to be Batman.
20. I started thinking about space and time and now I'm too overwhelmed.
21. I looked you up on Facebook and realized that your friends are hotter than you.
22. I haven't finished going through my Instagram feed from this morning.
23. I saw my soulmate on the subway today. I didn't talk to them. But I'm already taken now.
24. I'm in the middle of this chapter of this autobiography about a dead white guy.
25. I read a message on Facebook messenger by accident that I've been purposefully ignoring.
26. My first name doesn't sound good with your last name.
27. My jeans are too tight.
28. My jeans are too loose.
29. Can't stop watching this Vine of a pug.
30. I ordered mozzarella sticks.
31. I noticed that you tweeted that you wanted an Apple Watch.
32. My bed is warm.
33. I told my uncle's friend that I'd teach him how to use Facebook.
34. I told my friend that I would help them organize their fridge.
35. I tried to break in new shoes.
36. I think I'll learn the choreography to "Anaconda" instead.
37. I realized you're kind of a Ray J and I'm looking for more of a Kanye.
38. I've been thinking I should start cooking more. Tonight really seems like the night.
39. I thought about getting a dog and then realized it would be irresponsible to do so and now I'm sad.
40. I just remembered something awkward I did in middle school.
41. My friend loaned me their cousin's boyfriend's sister's HBOGo password.
42. It's raining.
43. There is a pimple starting on my chin so I'm never leaving my apartment again.
44. Someone asked "How are you?" and I said "not much!"
45. I'm still embarrassed by something that I said on my last first date.
46. I'm nervous about how iCloud works.
47. I just remembered that I've never cleaned out the fridge before.
48. I'm still trying to figure out how to get the U2 album off of my iPhone 6.
49. I have to return these shoes that don't fit but I got because they were on sale and I was flustered.
50. I watched this video of guys getting bikini waxes and now I never want to date anyone ever again.
51. I think my UPS guy hates me and I can't stop thinking about it.
52. I may have left the iron on.
53. Now I'm not sure that I own an iron? I need to go buy an iron.
53. I can't even.