45. Barbra Streisand
OK, so Babs might not be the ~hottest~, but she is like, queen of the Torah, SO SHE’S ON THIS LIST. Plus, she’s still got it.
44. Sarah Michelle Gellar
She married Freddie Prinze Jr. and had his babies. She obviously has something going on.
43. Goldie Hawn
She’s a hot mom! A hot Jewish mom. A J-MILF.
42. Alicia Silverstone
Honestly, she’d be higher up on this list if she hadn’t bird-fed her son. That was not hawt.
41. Lisa Kudrow
Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? OH! It’s bagels! THAT’S AWESOME.
40. Julia Louis-Dreyfus
She’s funny, she’s the veep, and she’s No. 40 on this list.
39. Jennifer Connelly
Congrats to Jennifer Connely on being in the top 70% of this post!
38. Selma Blair
Same goes for Selma Blair. And also she’d be higher on this list if she hadn’t accused Elle Woods of sleeping with her law professor.
37. Amanda Peet
Amanda Peet rhymes with Amanda Feet and I bet her feet are nice because they were chosen.
36. Brooke Burke
Brooke Burke is on this list because she just is, OK?
35. Dianna Agron
Yes it’s weird that there are two “Ns” in Dianna’s name, but you know what’s NOT weird? The fact that she’s on this list! Ha HA Ha.
34. Ginnifer Goodwin
Ginnifer Goodwin got No. 34, OK? And that’s where she stays.
33. Evan Rachel Wood
Hi, Evan Rachel Wood, nice to see you here in spot No. 33.
32. Jamie-Lynn Sigler
Things are heating up!!
31. Maya Rudolph
The Shabbat candles are on fire if you know what I meannnnnn! (What do I mean?)
30. Michelle Trachtenberg
Harriet The Spy lands in at No. 30. CONGRATS TO HER. Seriously. I’m serious, let’s all raise a glass and say congrats. Now sip.
29. Kate Hudson
She is the spawn of the J-MILF up there, and obviously the beautiful Jewish genes were passed along to her.
28. Idina Menzel
Popular, she’s gonna be popularrrrrrrr (with everyone she talks to because they know she is cool/fun/pretty/responsible for your love of Broadway).
27. Elizabeth Banks
“THAT IS MAHOGANY,” she said as she placed the seder plate onto the table.
26. Alyson Hannigan
How I Met Your Mother, try How Your Mother and I Met Through Your Grandma’s Rabbi.
25. Sara Paxton
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Sara Paxton. She seems like a nice young lady to bring home for Passover.
24. Natasha Lyonne
Orange Is the New Black more like Thanksgivukkah Is the New Hanukkah because that holiday is tomorrow, yeah BOIII!!!!!
23. Rachel Weisz
More like Rachel Weisz-she so pretty???!!! Amirite.
22. Gwyneth Paltrow
GOOP is high on this list because she’s Gwyneth Paltrow but couldn’t break the top 20 because she nicknamed herself GOOP.
21. Sarah Silverman
Baruch Hashem for Sarah Silverman. BARUCH HASHEM, I SAID.
20. Emmy Rossum
This is now the top 20. This is when people stop being polite and start getting real. Welcome, Emmy Rossum. Please, take a seat.
19. Kat Graham
This is the first Kat on the list, but not the last, I promise you that!
18. Kat Dennings
I wasn’t lying when I said there was another Kat on this list. This is that Kat.
17. Zoe Kravitz
Picture this: Zoe Kravitz and her dad Lenny Kravitz reading from the Torah. IT COULD HAPPEN!
16. Jane Levy
A rare but beautiful Jewish ginger seen here.
15. Lea Michele
Shalom. Lea got this spot not just because she’s a classy lady, but because my Hebrew name is Lea so obviously I have a special place in my heart for her.
14. Mélanie Laurent
Not only is Mélanie gorgeous but she’s French. Which means she probably loves French fries, and French fries are potatoes, and potatoes are the main ingredient in Latkes, and LATKES ARE THE BEST HANUKKAH TREAT IN THE WORLD. It all makes sense.
13. Isla Fisher
She converted to Judaism, but it counts because that’s how much she wanted to be Jewish, and we welcome her with open arms.
12. Ari Graynor
For a good time call…your rabbi! (Because she’s Jewish and he may know her!)
11. Emmanuelle Chriqui
Oh, look, it’s E’s girlfriend.
10. Nikki Reed
WELCOME TO THE TOP 10, BITCHES! Shit’s about to get serious.
9. Gal Gadot
I told you it was getting serious. And I was serious when I said it was getting serious.
8. Lizzy Caplan
LIZZY CAPLAN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!
7. Bar Refaeli
She’s Israeli, she is basically the definition of perfection, and her name is BAR, which basically means she’s probably a lot of fun because bars are cool places to go to and hang out with friends.
6. Scarlett Johansson
More like Scarlett Johandsome. But, like, the female version of handsome.
5. Natalie Portman
Aleph-bets are off when Natalie Portman enters the room! (LOLOLOLOLOLOL)
4. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
MUST I EXPLAIN?
3. Rashida Jones
Rashida Jones is the best friend I wish I had but would never want to be around because she’s almost TOO wonderful that her wonderfulness could be overwhelming. But she’s No. 3 because I mean, come on, look at her.
2. Alison Brie
She may have chosen Community college but we know she would have been the coolest girl at Yeshiva. —joke contribution from my nice Jewish brother Eric
1. Mila Kunis
WE’VE ARRIVED AT THE NO. 1 SPOT. You know why. Everyone knows why. Your dog knows why. Word has it 1,900 priests renounced Christianity and converted when they heard she was Jewish. Congratulations to Mila and to everyone else.
Thanks to my brother Eric Yapalater for assisting and advising me on this post and making sure Bar Refaeli made this list.