The 33 People With The Best Names In The 2014 Sochi Olympics

Best. Olympics. Ever.

1.

Caution.

2.

He's the kind of Olympian you just wanna shotgun a Natty Light with.

3.

Self-explanatory.

4.

Whoa, Andreas! Keep it in the pants.

5.

I'm so sorry, Matthais. I'm so, so sorry.

6.

Hey Luca, do you kiss your mom with that mouth?

7.

Take a dose of him to relieve your pains.

8.

This is the worst superhero ever.

9.

Here she is, yurlova.

10.

Aw, that's nice, what did you make us? I love snickerdoodles.

11.

Sounds delicious.

12.

And this is the guy hanging out with Broz.

13.

James! You were great in Once Upon a Time In America!

14.

Why so mad, Lucia?

15.

ALL RIGHT, TOBIAS, THIS ISN'T A COMPETITION.

16.

OK MONIQUE, WAY TO TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL.

17.

I bet you Christian Poser gets all his Bibles from Hot Topic.

18.

If you're going to have a butt in your last name, this is the way to do it.

19.

Heheheheheheheheheheheh.

20.

It's the year 3047 A.D. The city of New York lies in ruins. The only currency is ducks. People go around asking, "How much is a duck worth?"

21.

This is funny because she has the same last name as that actress on Friends. What's next, Peter Schwimmer?

22.

Chinbat wins all the medals for coolest name.

23.

GROOTHIUS SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!

24.

Hehe, she said fanny.

25.

The dance party is in his room.

26.

More like faardown, amirite?

27.

GODDAMNIT.

28.

Well, that's unfortunate.

29.

Yikes.

30.

That's just two unfortunate names in a row. The good news is him, Wank, and Boner can start a support group together.

31.

One and a two and a three [INSERT NAME HERE].

32.

33.

But really, he's anything but a sakashita.