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Ode To The Greatest Product Ever Invented: The Head Massager

This beautiful thing is called a head massager. Or a scalp massager. It doesn't even matter what you call it, because it's humankind's greatest invention.

LOOK AT ALL THE BEAUTIFUL PRONGS.

Oh, the prongs!

And the nubbins!

BY GOLLY, THE NUBBINS.

Picture yourself with this thing on your head, eyes closed, your scalp absorbing its movements.

IMAGINE THE EUPHORIC PLEASURE THAT COMES WITH IT.

Moms love it:

Harry Styles loves it:

(Seriously, he loves it.)

And even dogs love it:

Why wouldn't they, though.

It's literally like experiencing nirvana on your brain.

If you have one, then you won't need anyone else in your life.

But remember...It's not a whisk! #NOTAWHISK.

The only thing better than one of these head massagers is THREE OF THESE HEAD MASSAGERS.

Sometimes people call these babies orgasmatrons because the sensation is PURE BLISS.

There's no greater feeling than you, head massager, working your steel tentacles into my scalp.

*shudders*

You are perfection, never change.

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