1. A long time ago (if you are a dog), Kaley Cuoco and Henry Cavill came out as a “couple” and it WAS THE WORST THING EVER.
2. They held hands and it was gross.
3. They went shopping together and it was AWFUL.
4. She touched the small of his back and it was like, “Get off the small of his back NOW.”
5. Then she started eating his shoulder like a freaking cannibal or something.
6. And she was just smooshed in there trying to bite off his beautiful muscles and you wanted to smash your head through a window.
7. But then something wonderful happened:
11. And faster then you could say spaghetti, “CUOCVILL” was OVER.
12. And so, this glorious being was FREE ONCE AGAIN!
15. And this perfect back was available for the taking.
16. And this stunning chest–ab combo was free to do what it wanted.
17. And there was HOPE!
18. Hope for humanity.
19. This butt was a prisoner to NO ONE ANYMORE!
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