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23 Things People Have Asked Piers Morgan On Twitter

The very best of #askpiers.

Every now and then Piers Morgan asks his Twitter followers to submit questions, in the hope their responses will inspire material for his Mail on Sunday column.

Andrew Burton / Reuters / Reuters

Each time, he hopes that the #askpiers hashtag will be used for genuine feedback from fans eager to hear about his celebrity lifestyle.

Sadly, it never quite works out like that.

1.

#askPiers You are the human equivalent of catching a testicle in a zip. Do you ever phone tap your own dreams?

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon)
2.

#AskPiers Do you ever wake to the first cold fingers of dawn creeping through the curtains & think about ending it all? If not, why not?

— Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew)
3.

.@piersmorgan On average, how many times during an episode of 'Allo 'Allo do you get an involuntary erection? #askpiers

— David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley)
4.

#askpiers if a train leaves London at 12:37 and a train leaves Manchester at the same time doing 160km/h, are you still a colossal prick

— Gareth Bale (@GarethBale22)
5.

#askPiers If teapot A holds 32 ounces of tea, about how many ounces does teapot B hold?

— Lisa (@BiscuitAhoy)
6.

.@piersmorgan If you could punch the fuck out of a cormorant, would you stop when it died or keep going for added satisfaction? #askpiers

— David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley)
7.

Did you get that message I left for you on Ulrika Jonsson's voicemail? #askpiers

— tom jamieson (@jamiesont)
8.

#askpiers Dear @piersmorgan will you ever grow out of the larval stage? Sincerely. H. Hackenbush.

— Hugo Hackenbush (@MangyLover)
9.

#AskPiers do you think it's silly to put hidden messages in tweets? also YOU aRE A Complete and Utter iNspiraTion, please rt

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon)
10.

#askPiers I left a voicemail on a random celebrity's phone calling you a weapons-grade tosser. Did you get it? @piersmorgan @EventMagUK

— Dai Lama (@WelshDalaiLama)
11.

#AskPiers If we're made in God's image, who is your God? Cthulhu?

— Q-Tizzle (@QuebecTango)
12.

Ever thought of setting up a Tears for Fears tribute act called Tears for Piers, but on your own, then just sitting & crying #askpiers

— Neil (@nellyweather)
13.

.@piersmorgan Does licking your own sweat count as cannibalism? If not, where is the line? #askpiers

— David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley)
14.

When you get weeping sores, do you give them names? Maybe 'Little Piers'? #askpiers

— SRT (@esarty)
15.

.@piersmorgan When was the last time you broke down in tears inside your secret spare-room newspaper cuttings shrine to Seal? #askpiers

— David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley)
16.

@piersmorgan @EventMagUK If a turtle loses it's shell,is it naked or homeless??#askpiers

— 𧊊li bob✨ (@ali_missharibo)
17.

.@piersmorgan @EventMagUK how many pints of blood do you have to drink per day to stop your reptilian scales showing? #askpiers

— SHIT O'SHITTERSON (@lefthndpath)
18.

@piersmorgan @EventMagUK What's it like to be a gigantic tool? #AskPiers

— Sami Nash (@1KSamifish)
19.

#AskPiers Do you get a discount from the barber on condition he can sell your hair clippings to witches?

— Oonagh (@Okeating)
20.

.@piersmorgan Would you sooner fight 100 UB40-sized Aswads or one Aswad-sized UB40? #askpiers

— David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley)
21.

@piersmorgan would you rather penis sized nipples or a nipple sized penis? #AskPiers

— Sean Berry (@_seanberry_)
22.

#AskPiers how does it feel to have an arse for a face @piersmorgan

— BEAR//FACE (@bearfaceington)
23.

#AskPiers why are you such a twat?

— Scott Bird (@Birdiex94x)

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Luke Lewis is the Executive Editor of BuzzFeed UK and is based in London.
 
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