All over Britain this week, children will be starting secondary school, going into Year 7. Most of these children were born in 2004, so their experience is going to be oh-so-different to yours.
1. First of all, they've never lived in a world without Facebook.
2. 2004. Think about that for a while. They've never lived in a country not in thrall to Simon Cowell's monster talent show, The X Factor.
3. Wayne Rooney had already been the next great hope for England, played for England, and undergone tragic failure for England – all by the year they were born.
4. When they were born, we were still figuring out the TV schedule on Ceefax.
5. And school is different now too. They'll never have the simple joy of really nailing this WordArt selection.
6. They'll never have to deal with this stupid struggle.
7. Or put anything up on this.
8. And their phones won't even have a custom-composed ringtone that took hours to devise.
9. And NEVER will they need to resort to Encarta, because the internet is a thing now.
10. But it does mean they'll never experience the wonders of Mindmaze either.
11. These children were born in a year when we were already getting plagued with sequels.
12. Hell, we were already on the third Harry Potter film.
13. And since they were only three when the final Harry Potter book came out, they don't remember a country that didn't know how it all ended.
14. For other entertainment, they'll also never need to resort to this.
15. And when they get home, they'll be straight on Snapchat, not MSN.
16. So they've also never experienced this Myspace joy either.
17. They never lived in a world with S Club 7...well, until very recently.
18. If Mr Brightside was a person, he'd be old enough to start Year 7 now.
19. The Now! series had got up to 55 already by the time they were born.
20. And this was the track listing. Bangers, all.
21. Not only did they never live in a world before Heidi was in the Sugababes...
They don't remember a world when Mutya was in the Sugababes.
22. And some of them don't even know who NSYNC is.
23. They've never had to go through this struggle.
24. Or this torturous process.
25. They were born into a world with a first-gen iPod mini, and a third-gen iPod (which was, and still is, clearly the coolest iPod.)
26. And now, some things are just tragic.
My brother just picked up an iPod and asked "what's this??" I feel old and sad
27. They don't remember a world before PS3 was everywhere.
28. They've never been assaulted by this.
29. Or been excited by this.
30. And why would they know what this is?
31. And of course, hashtags... well, to them, they've always been hashtags.
