Should mean: People you hang out with because you like them.
Now means: People you hang out with because they happen to be free at the same time as you.
2. “Significant other”
Should mean: The person you share your life with.
Now means: The person who is also in your house but you never actually see.
Should mean: Dividing something in half.
Now means: When your boss hates you, this is what they make you do.
Should mean: Devices for carrying things in.
Now means: Permanent decorations under your eyes.
Should mean: When you get up and go to work.
Now means: When you sleep.
Should mean: About 1pm.
Now means: 3.30pm, maybe, when you finally have a chance to get something. Or possibly at 9am. Depends on the day.
Should mean: When you are asleep.
Now means: When you are at work.
Should mean: Time off.
Now means: Time you spend working.
Should mean: Enjoyable social gathering where you see your friends.
Now means: Something you never actually make it to. Because work.
Should mean: Something to eat occasionally when hungry.
Now means: Your main food group.
11. “Working week”
Should mean: Five days of work.
Now means: Six days of work. At least.
12. “Day off”
Should mean: What you get when you don’t work.
Now means: What you almost definitely don’t get.
Should mean: The rhythm of work and relaxation that ensures you live a healthy life.
Now means: LOL, no.
14. “After-work drink”
Should mean: What is socially acceptable at 6pm.
Now means: What you are heavily judged for at 6am. Not that you care.
15. “Daylight Saving”
Should mean: An extra of sleep.
Now means: On the night shift, an extra hour of work.
Should mean: The pub around the corner you drink at because you like it.
Now means: The pub miles away you drink at because it’s the only place open at weird times.
Should mean: Something that lies on, or over, something else.
Now means: Something no one will ever do for you when you really need it.
18. “Social networking”
Should mean: Occasional distraction.
Now means: Stream of the fun everyone else is having while you’re at work.
Should mean: Reliable work structure to base your life on.
Now means: Ongoing chaos that will haunt your dreams and break your very soul.
20. “Family gathering”
Should mean: What you go to in order to reconnect with your family.
Now means: What you hear about afterwards. Because work.
Should mean: Agreeing to something in advance.
Now means: Something you’ll do before realising your shifts just aren’t going to work out.
Should mean: When you haven’t had enough sleep.
Now means: Perpetual state of being.
23. “Bank holiday”
Should mean: Extra day off!
Now means: HAH. No. Back to work.
Should mean: Tuesday.
Now means: Start of the weekend!
Should mean: Saturday.
Now means: Tuesday, probably.
Should mean: Sunday.
Now means: Monday, maybe, but who the fuck knows?
Should mean: Thursday.
Now means: The ancient Greek day hêméra Aphrodítês. SERIOUSLY, no idea at this point.
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