1. You are an expert at calculating exactly how many hours sleep you’d get if you fell asleep right now.
It’s not as many as you’ll get. Because you won’t go to sleep.
2. As you start thinking about bed, you will instantly come up with a million ideas.
4. And you’ll have so much motivation!
…Though you’ll never act on any of it.
5. There’s part of you that always resents the idea of going to bed because there’s something else you could be doing.
And doing so well.
6. If you try to work while everyone is asleep, it’ll be the most efficient thing you’ve ever done.
You will need to plan carefully to avoid it looking like you’ve done all your work in the middle of the night, however.
9. And clean your room at 4am.
10. You know exactly how to move around the house to avoid waking anyone else up.
11. Watching a quick half an hour of TV actually means starting a binge that will take you through most of the series.
And the night.
12. You’ve had many, many different strategies to fix your terrible sleep habits suggested to you.
None of which have worked. At all.
13. And are now very practiced at lying about exactly when you go to bed.
To your parents. It’s always your parents.
14. At the weekend, the point at which everyone else is starting to think about leaving the bar is the point at which you’re waking up.
It’s nearly sunrise, LET’S GET THIS PARTY GOING!
15. Unless you have to get up in the morning to do it. In which case you are in no way ready to attend anything before late afternoon at best.
16. The later you can start work in the morning, the better, because then you can justify staying up until the early hours.
18. You avoid staying at someone else’s because you know they’ll want to sleep when you want to do literally anything else.
19. If you do happen to be in bed with anyone else, you’ll end up lying there doing nothing for hours as they sleep gently next to you.
20. Getting into bed is never the same thing as actually going to sleep.
There will be many hours of doing other things first.
21. You suddenly find yourself making friends in other time zones to have some to talk to late at night.
22. There’s always “one more scroll” on Facebook. Or Twitter. Or Instagram. Or anything, really.
The internet contains everything in the world, and you are really finding some interesting things to read right now.